Hotel Lez
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: Welcome to Hotel Lez, New Toon City's most fanciest, wealthiest and most glamorous hotel for all the eligible lesbians, bisexuals and girls all around the city! come on in, meet the lovely ladies and leave your worries and your hatred of men behind
1. WelcomeGetting Acquainted

**Hotel Lez**

 **Chapter 1: Welcome**

"Hello and welcome to Hotel Lez, the award winning hotel for lesbians and bisexuals only, if you're men, get the hell outta here, if you're a hot girl, come as you please! I'm Bethany Westmoreland, this is my wife and coworker Sarah Campbell. And you  
/lovely ladies are?" Westmoreland asked

"I'm Kelly Chambers. This is Nyssa al Ghul, my fiancée" Kelly said, Nyssa showing Westmoreland her engagement ring

"Pleasure to meet you. Room 77707, west wing, section 6D. Enjoy your stay" Westmoreland said, handing Kelly the room key and deeds to the room

"Thank you very much" Nyssa replied in a broad masculine voice as she and Kelly took the holovator up to their room

"NO! NO, IM NOT GOING IN THERE!" a feminine voice shrieked loudly

"oh c'mon darling, it'll be fun. You'll love it here" Anya Romanov persuaded, dragging her pleading wife Megara out of their limo and into the reception room

"oh joy. We left Russia and headed for the big city. How friggin' quaint" Megara pouted irately as Anya paid the chauffeur

"um, Room 66666, sector 5G, east wing" Campbell said, tossing Anya the room key

"well, the service is certainly great" Megara said before colliding with Helga Sinclair

"Oh! Oh, ma'am I'm so sorry, are you alright?" Helga asked, helping Megara up "yes, yes, I'm fine. I'm Meg. This is my wife Anya. You must be Helga Sinclair, former mercenary now multi-million heiress and brothel madam" Meg stated

"quite right. It is a pleasure to meet you. Welcome to Hotel Lez. Not only am I a customer, I run the place and treat guests, residents and employees with a kind, gentle and benevolent hand" Helga replied

"um, honey? The L Word marathon just started" Legate Rikke hollered

"one sec sweetie, I'm conversing with our new neighbor" Helga replied before turning to Meg and Anya

"oh! Didn't know we were expecting company. I'm Rikke, Helga's wife. I'm the assistant manager of this hotel and also the chef. Would you like to come in for a cup of tea?" Rikke asked

"ok, that'd be great" Meg said, Rikke sending her Imperial servants to bring in Anya's and Meg's luggage

"you sure about this Holli?" Kaylee asked nervously as Holli assured her comfortingly

"trust me darling, would I ever lie to you?" Holli purred

"I really don't want an answer to that question" Kaylee replied jokingly, her and Holli sharing a laugh

"oh Helga!" Holli gasped, seeing her twin sister

"hey, there you are! What kept you, I just got the tea brewing" Helga said, hugging Holli close

"oh traffic. Old Man Marvin Marsh's tractor blocked the highways" Kaylee answered

"Again? Oh good grief" Lucy Van Pelt whined, calling her husband and telling him to call off their dinner date

"so… just a quick question, how much do you serve?" Kaylee asked

"in money or blood coins?" Westmoreland responded

"uh… I meant as in customers" Kaylee specified

"Oh! Um, 3.75 trillion billion toons, games and comics" Westmoreland answered

"Yup. It's a really big number" Huntress said from behind Kaylee, accompanied by her wife Black Canary

"oh hey Aunt Helena!" Kaylee gasped

"Kaylee? Oh my gosh, sweetheart, look how big you've gotten" Huntress gasped, hugging Kaylee

"thanks. So how've you been? And congratulations on your new daughter" Kaylee said

"thanks sweetie. Things are going good. Dinah just told me she is carrying twins" Huntress replied

"OMG!" Jade gasped

"hey Jenny girl! How've you been?" Emma Frost purred

"Ohhh you know me baby, I'm green as gold!" Jade snickered

"Hey, is this Hotel Lez?" Jessica Priest asked, walking in with her lover Cameron

"it sure is, this is *the* hottest hangout place in New Toon City!" Helga exclaimed

"well, looks like we'll fit right in" Jessica said, handing the bellhop hers' and Cameron's bags

"ok we're here" Cordelia announced, as her wife Misty helped her get in since Cordelia was blind. Misty's twin sister Madison followed, her hand on her pregnant belly, followed by their cousin Kayley

"Hey Cordelia! Good to see you, how's your eyes healing?" Westmoreland asked

"Doing fair to middling, thanks" Cordelia answered

"you should go see Dr. Lara. She can cure blindness" Emma offered

"hmm… I'll think about it" Cordelia responded

"Sup" Lilith said warmly, teleporting into the front of the room with her three month pregnant wife Maya

"hey girls. How was the Opera?" Ariel asked, getting Lilith's and Maya's bags

"Fantastic. Oh and I'm so sorry about Triton's passing. You have my sympathies" Lilith said

"Aww, thanks. I really appreciate it" Ariel said

"What? King Triton… is dead?" Helga gasped

"he had cancer" Ariel said sadly

"ohhh…" everyone awed in mourning

"we are so sorry to hear that Ariel. You will be in our thoughts and prayers and we will help you get through this. I promise" Esmeralda said, hugging Ariel close

"wow. I'm really liking this place" Madison said with joy

"what can I say? All kinds of women are welcome here" Helga replied

 **Later that night…**

"I'm Diana Prince, this is my wife Shayera. Those two are Giganta and Goliath, the second one's a transgender, please don't ask how it happened. The couple over there are Lydia and Carlotta. They got married around Christmastime. That over there is Joana  
/and Piper, they're the town prostitutes and very good ones, I might add; and then you have the threesome of Dazzler, Rachel and Madelyne. They are extremely friendly and very fun to be around with; then there's Sonya, Kitana and Mileena. They're  
experienced

/Mortal Kombat fighters. I will warn you, Mileena is VERY CRAZY sometimes but she can be very nice if you're nice back. Also don't look underneath her mask. Then there's Shari Shepard and Ashley Chambers. They're a real lovey-dovey couple, mind you;  
/then in the upper corner you got Chelsea and Veronica Cunningham, aka the Big Boob Blonde Bimbos. Then you got Renee and Maggie, they're like Cagney and Lacey minus all the drama for your mama; up next there's Kiara and Vitani, they're lions but  
were

/given the ability to speak in English by Dr. Lara, they're very cuddly and friendly but don't mention their former owner Zira unless you wanna get mauled; next there's Jenny Davis and Abigail Lowery. Jenny's a very sweet new mom of an adorable new  
/baby girl Molly while Abigail's a very nice and cheerful beat cop; then you've got Miranda Wright, Scarlett, Cover Girl, Baroness and Lady Jaye, they all got married together on the same day. Up next there's Sil, Becky, Sif, Evadora, DD, Cheyenne  
/and Joyce they're from TV Town and Movie Motown. They're all a really cheerful and very friendly bunch just don't get too close to Sif's swords. Up next you got the twins Goldie and Wendy. They're very much in love with each other for reasons yet  
/explained and for some odd reason, Goldie has man nipples instead of breasts. Then there's Livewire and Volcana, aka Shock and Burn. They're a heavy metal tag team band, they perform daily at the bar. Up next you got Angel and Gaige and everyone  
else

/I'm pretty sure you've met by now. Any questions?" Diana asked

"wow. Just… wow." Kelly said as Nyssa snored softly, her head on her arms

"I must admit your wife is quite the loud sleeper" Ms. Submission commented, walking in with her wife Blond Pinner

"oh you're the two supermodels. How's it going?" Kelly asked

"it's fabulous, sweetie, absolutely fabulous! We must get together for a shopping spree" Blond Pinner said politely

"I think my wife and I can arrange that" Kelly said

"wow. So many hot women here…" Crysta said in amazement, sitting across from her wife Thumbelina

"Crysta darling, we're married. We said we wouldn't cheat on each other" Thumbelina reminded

"Ohhh I gotta tell you Aurora, Rikke cooks up a really good lasagna" Cinderella moaned, burping

"Mm-hmm. And that molten chocolate cake was really damn good too" Aurora replied, licking her lips

"Ok ladies, closing time. Finish up your grub and shove off. We gotta cleanup for Shock and Burn later tonight" Launch barked

"oy" everyone groaned in annoyance

"ugh, I'm so stuffed I'm not sure I can even walk up to my room" Android 18 moaned

"pfft, no kidding" Cassandra Penteghast snarked

"Ooohhh Morrigan, let's go to bed. I'm feeling drowsy again…" Emilia Cousland yawned

"ok dear, tis getting rather late" Morrigan commented

"oh shit! Jigglypuff's on stage" Megara gasped, but too late as literally EVERYONE in the room was asleep

 **Just kidding. Not all of them**

"touch me with that marker and I'll phaselock you til you're a marshmallow!" Maya snarled as the Pokemon Control Depot took Jigglypuff out and awoke everyone

"what the hell happened?" Jasmine asked, yawning

"I dunno. Some weird puffball was singing and…" Odette murmured before getting up and stretching

"oh hi! You must be Kelly and Nyssa. I'm Odette, I'm the hotel relationship counsellor. How are you liking the hotel?" Odette asked kindly

"it certainly is roomy and very well staffed. How do you do, milady?" Kelly asked

"quite well, thank you and such polite manners. I see that the late Mr and Mrs Chambers taught you well" Odette remarked

"thanks" Kelly responded before waking Nyssa up

 **Later…**

"ok, g'night honey" Nyssa yawned, turning off her lamp and hitting the pillow, snoring as Kelly stayed awake reading James Patterson's Zoo before bed

"Kelly, are you reading that dumb Zoo book again? I warned you; you'll get nightmares! Put that thing away and go to bed" Nyssa said, Kelly obeying as she put her book in the desk and shut off her light

"That little redhead really is a sweetheart" Holli said, polishing her nails

"Who? Kelly Chambers?" Kaylee asked, getting out of the shower

"Mm-hmm. Who was that big butch girl with her?" Holli asked

"That's Nyssa al Ghul, Ra's al Ghul's daughter" Kaylee answered

"Wait… *the* Ra's al Ghul? The ecoterrorist guy?" Holli asked in shock

"Yup" Kaylee answered, bobbing her hair before climbing into bed

"What are we watching tonight?" Holli asked, snuggling next to Kaylee

"Some dumb movie called Volcano" Kaylee answered

"Nuh-uh missy, no scary movies for you before bed" Holli rejected, switching the TV over to a Cyberball game

"Helga, must you always play Angry Birds before bed?" Rikke complained

"I can't help it. Everyone needs a hobby" Helga retorted

"Oh. Well lemme know when you're done, I'm going to bed" Rikke yawned, turning off her light and going to sleep

"k, g'night sweetie" Helga said, dimming the light on her iPad as Rikke slept

"Leslie, come to bed, your hair will be fine in the morning" Volcana hollered

"alright, alright, I'm coming" Livewire moaned, getting into bed

"that's better. Now, what shall we watch tonight?" Volcana asked, applying her nightcream

"Cyberball as usual" Livewire answered, switching on the TV with the clicker

"Oof, I wouldn't go in there if I was you" Aurora exhaled, getting into bed next to Cinderella

"Hrrmmm?" Cinderella asked, waking up

"Nothing darling, never mind" Aurora answered, fluffing her pillow and laying down

"Ok, g'night" Cinderella yawned, turning off the light

"Jean, you're going to bed at 9:15, seriously?" Emma asked

"hey, don't look at me. I got an early shift tomorrow. I need my sleep" Jean yawned, snoring

"ok, g'night" Emma yawned, turning off her light

"ugh, finally I can get some rest" Cordelia yawned, turning off her light

"me too. Ok g'night guys" Madison said, turning off her light

"Night" Misty said

 **The next morning…**

"g'morning, sleepyheads!" Inque said cheerfully as Vicki Vale and Cat Grant came into the dinner room for breakfast

"Morning" Cat said happily, pouring herself a bowl of Corn Pops

"Hey there's our favourite couple! How was your first night in the hotel?" Helga asked Kelly and Nyssa

"It was an absolute delight" Kelly answered, Nyssa yawning tiredly

"I slept like a log last night" Nyssa replied tiredly

"hey Nyssa baby, how's it going?" Sara Lance asked, walking in with her wife Felicity

"hey Ms. Sara! Congrats on the new baby!" Kelly said cheerfully

"thanks Kelly. You're such a sweetie" Sara said, kissing Kelly on both cheeks

"well I was wondering when you'd wake up" Helga said, drinking her morning coffee

"g'morning, Ms. Helga" Kelly said politely

"good morning to you as well, Ms. Chambers" Helga greeted

"May I sit here?" Kelly asked

"yes, you may do so" Helga answered

"thank you" Kelly said, sitting down as Nyssa sat next to her

"so ladies, are you enjoying your new home?" Rikke asked

"absolutely. We finally finished moving in" Nyssa replied, taking a bite of her cinnamon roll

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, it's time!" Jean gasped, having contractions

"oh my word! Jean's going to pop! Quick, someone get Dr. Lara!" Westmoreland said

"it's alright everyone, I'm here. Now c'mon Jean darling, up on the couch" Dr. Lara said calmly, placing the laboring mutant onto the velvet couch

"ok Jean, I need you to push now" Dr. Lara ordered, Jean screaming loudly in pain and pleasure as her baby's head came out of her belly. Seconds later, a beautiful baby girl was born

"aww… Emma, Emma c'mere, meet our little girl…" Jean whispered, Emma rushing over with the camera

"Ohhh Jean she's so pretty… she has Emma's hair and your eyes…" Kelly whispered

"let's call her Leliana. Leliana Grace Frost" Emma said, kissing Jean's head as Jean nodded off, holding her baby close

"well… looks like we have a new addition to the hotel" Helga said, smiling down at the new parents and child

"oh crap, I gotta go to work or else Chief is gonna wring me dry" Kelly said, getting on her cop uniform, kissing Nyssa on the cheek and hopping into her squad car with Lowery and drove off

"Kelly works with little miss Abigail? That's so nice. Abigail's such a pleasant and very well behaved young lady. She's been offered the promotion of detective several times, but she insists on remaining an officer. I think it suits her well. Also she  
/addresses herself as Officer Abigail Lowery much like a certain rum-loving pirate" Rikke said

"Oh Giganta, good morning! Come on in, breakfast is served! Watch your head" Helga said delightedly, as the giant Amazon decreased her size down so she sat down and ate her meal

"Wow, you're a very big girl. Do you work out or something?" Lilith asked

"Actually yes I do. I work out at Captain Falcon's F-Fitness" Giganta answered, taking a bite of her bacon


	2. Making New Friends

**Hotel Lez**

 **Chapter 2**

"ah, welcome back Kelly. How was work today?" Helga asked cheerfully, having just paid the bills

"fantastic. No crime today, nothing to worry about at all" Kelly responded, taking off her uniform

"well the rest of your friends are in the hot Jacuzzi. You're more than welcome to join them" Helga added

"thanks very much. I believe I will" Kelly said, changing into her three piece swimsuit and going into the pool room

"hey-hey, there she is! C'mon in Kelly, the fun's getting started!" Jean said warmly, relaxing with Emma, Nyssa, Holli, Crysta, Thumbelina and Madison

"hey baby" Kelly said to Nyssa kissing her

"hey sweetheart" Nyssa said, kissing her back as Kelly sat next to her

"ok, ok so Crysta how'd you and Thumbelina meet?" Jean asked

"oh gosh, where to begin? Well ever since my dad died and my husband Zak divorced me after finding out I was gay; oh and after Batty got rabies and had to be put down and after Pips got deported; I was lost with nothing to do. Then I met Thumbelina at the Courier's Club downtown, one thing lead to another and then ba-boom, we were in love" Crysta explained

"how is Zak anyway?" Jean asked

"I just got a call from him, he's doing great now. Married, having a baby on the way, says he's naming the child after me in memory of all the good times" Crysta answered

"hello ladies" Eris said warmly

"hey Ma" Kelly said warmly, Jean spitting out her tea

"Whoa whoa whoa! Eris is your MOTHER?" Emma gasped

"adoptive mother, sweetie" Eris explained

"Ohhhh…" everyone said, understanding

"gee, what a twist" Helga remarked

"I came here to see if my little red rose Kelly here is happy in her new home" Eris said motherly

"she is indeed very happy here and has made quite a lot of friends in the past few days" Helga replied

"well, thank you for your honesty. Have fun red rose and behave yourself. Call me if you need me" Eris said, kissing Kelly on the cheek as she walked off

"wow… that was quick" Kitty said after a short silence

"Eris, the Goddess of Discord and Chaos adopted such a pure and innocent girl like you?" Jean asked

"yup, she found me when I was only a baby. My real parents died in a aeroplane accident" Kelly explained

"ah… we understand. Thanks for being honest and truthful with us" Odette said warmly

"Hey, where is everyone?" Cordelia asked, walking in using her walking stick

"over here Ms. Cordelia. C'mere, I'll help you" Kelly said, getting out of the pool and kindly helping the blind woman

"bless your heart Kelly. You are such a good girl" Cordelia said as Kelly gently helped her sit down

"that was very nice of you Kelly. It's always proper to aid those who are disabled" Helga remarked

"oh I volunteered at daycare, senior homes, all sorts of things. I met Nyssa at the social services office" Kelly said

"that's right. I was the security clerk, little miss Kelly was an intern. Then she got promoted, one thing lead to another and we had a surprise wedding and now we're together forever" Nyssa finished

"well there's my big sister" Talia purred, coming in with her girlfriend Stacy Baker

"hey Kelly. Long time no see" Stacy said in a New Jersey accent

"Stacy was my roommate in my sorority ward" Kelly explained

"ah…" everyone replied

"ok c'mon girls, let's go grab some z's. my body's beginning to prune" Jean ordered

"yeah, I gotta get some beauty rest before we head to the mall" Madison yawned, helping Cordelia out

 **Later that day…**

"hey. Did y'all sleep well?" Misty asked, meeting up with Kelly, Nyssa and the others at the boardwalk

"we had trouble waking Jean up, but Emma bribed her with some Krispy Kreme doughnuts" Psylocke answered

"ah, I see. Ok girls, everyone got their credits?" Misty asked

"you know it" Talia responded

"ok, we meet back here for our 9:30 showing of Mad Max: Fury Road" Misty ordered

"what? Misty, you didn't tell us this!" Cordelia gasped in delight

"it's a surprise gift for our anniversary" Misty explained

"ah…" everyone said, understanding

"ok cut the chatter everyone, let's go spend some moolah!" Talia barked, everyone rushing off

"I really think these maternity jeans fit me. What do you think Susan?" Chloe Dancer asked her wife Susan Ivanova

"hmmm… how much are they?" Susan asked

"$4.5 credits" Chloe said

"fair enough. Let's go checkout" Susan replied before meeting Kelly and Nyssa

"Kelly?" Susan asked

"Susan?" Kelly repeated. Both girls squealed in delight and hugged each other

"oh my god, it's been too long! Ooh, how I missed you" Kelly said

"me too dear, look how big you've gotten! Remember when we used to call you little red in college?" Susan said

"yeah, but now it's big red" Kelly responded, the two sharing a laugh

"oh, this is my wife Nyssa al Ghul. Nyssa this is Susan Ivanova, she's my dorm mate from college" Kelly said

"pleasure to meet you Nyssa. I've heard a lot about you. Your father is a very well-wealthy and eccentric man" Susan said

"thanks. He's recovering from his stroke" Nyssa replied

"and your sister Talia? How is she doing, now that she's retired from the League of Assassins business?" Susan asked

"she's doing well. She works at the child care center with Helena and Dinah, she married a pretty young doctor from New Jersey and they're both expecting" Nyssa answered

"ah I see. I take it you are residing at the famous Hotel Lez?" Susan asked

"no, don't tell me… we're next door NEIGHBORS!" Kelly and Susan said in unison

"wow. Oh hi there, I'm Chloe, I'm Susan's wife. How do you do, Miss Chambers?" Chloe said calmly

"very well, thanks" Kelly responded

 **Later that night at the hotel…**

"…and that is why I will never ever set a foot in Townsville for as long as I live" Gaige said to a group of her friends at the bar

"oh good evening ladies, you're just in time for dinner" Helga said warmly as the gang sat down at their reserved table

"say, where's Lucy?" Kelly asked

"I dunno, wasn't she at breakfast?" Jean replied

"Oh, she got arrested for embezzlement and insurance fraud" Chloe answered

"Oh my!" Kelly gasped

"how dreadful" Odette said

"goodness gracious" Emma added

"yes, yes, ladies I can tell you are very despondent over Ms. Van Pelt but as of now her room is out of service until she is out of prison" Helga responded

"Hey guys. Sorry we're late, Old Man Marsh caused another pileup" Livewire said, sitting down

"I heard" Kelly said, saying hi to Volcana as she took a drink of her iced tea

"so, um, wanna play some poker or do some roulette tonight?" Holli offered

"hmm… well I have a day off tomorrow since tomorrow's our anniversary so… why not?" Kelly replied

"Splendid! Meet us at the game room, 11 PM sharp" Holli said

"okey-dokey then. C'mon girls let's head to the lounge and catch up on Orange Is the New Black" Livewire said


	3. Musical Chapter

**Hotel Lez**

 **Chapter 3**

"Good morning ladies! Did everyone rest comfortably?" Helga asked warmly

"Yes, but not all of us. Kim had the flu last night. Shego's taking care of her" Kelly answered

"I see. Ok, I'll send Nurse Veronica up to check on her" Helga answered

"Oh, you must be Kelly Chambers. Dr. Betty Veronica, at your service" Betty said, shaking Kelly's hand

"How do you do?" Kelly asked politely

"I'm doing quite well, thank you" Betty replied pleasantly

"Wait… weren't you part of SCUM Labs?" Nyssa asked

"I'm retired from that now darling. I help Dr. Lara in her clinic" Betty answered before answering a call on her phone

"Isn't she fantastic? Look at that figure of hers" Crysta whispered

"I know! She's a game alright but god she is a real good looking one I might add" Thumbelina added

"Are you talking about something?" Betty asked

"nope" everyone answered quickly

"hmm" Betty shrugged, resuming her paperwork

"oh hey Kelly. It's been a long time" Daphne said, giving Kelly a warm hug

"Daphne? Goodness gracious darling look how big you've gotten! How are you and Velma?" Nyssa asked

"We're doing wonderful. Velma had our first child last night. She's at the hospital with him, I'm on my way to bring her and the little one home" Daphne answered

"well congratulations on the new addition to your family" Kelly said

"oh Kelly, you are just so nice. Thank you so much" Daphne said, pecking Kelly on the cheek as she walked off

"hey guys" Supergirl said, landing

"hey Kara. How was ballet class?" Hawkgirl asked

"Exhausting. I need… I need… I need a…" Supergirl yawned before plopping onto the couch, softly snoring

"wow. Not only is she Supergirl, she's also a super-sleeper" Crysta joked

"hey, that is pretty funny…" Supergirl mumbled, going back to sleep

"oh Kara, what are you doing sleeping on the couch? You'll get your dress all wrinkled! C'mon sweetie, let's get you in your own bed" Power Girl said, scooping Supergirl up

"oh that's Power Girl, Supergirl's wife" Zatanna piped up

"ah…" everyone said, understanding

"so… how'd the magic show go?" Huntress asked

"it went as well as you'd expect. Most fell asleep after my levitation act" Zatanna explained

"oh my I'm so sleepy" Kelly yawned

"yeah we're all pretty drowsy. C'mon let's go in the sleep room and get some rest" Zatanna said

 **Later…**

"psst. Hey? Anyone awake?" Madison asked as everyone else was sound asleep

"Madison, quiet, we're sleeping" Rikke whispered, turning on her side

"Mmm… not now Madison, tell me in the morning…" Helga mumbled, turning on her side

"C'mon Stella wake up!" Madison pleaded, shaking the blonde fairy

"Mmm… ok Madison, set the alarm for 7:00" Stella mumbled, snoring again

"Shhhh… rest, sleep my child… let the world go without you tonight" Eris said soothingly, casting a spell

"Mmm… so sleepy…" Madison yawned, her eyes growing heavy

"shhh… close your eyes… close your eyes and relax, think of nothing tonight…" Eris sang softly

" _Hey, hey woman your fine ointment_

 _Brand new and expensive_

 _It could have been saved for the poor_

 _Why has it been wasted?_

 _We could've raised maybe_

 _Three hundred credits or more_

 _Toons who are hungry_

 _Toons who are starving_

 _Matter more than your feet and HAAAAAAAIIRRRRRRR"_ Livewire sang loudly

" _Surely you're not saying we have the resources_

 _To save our race from their lot?_

 _There will be toons always pathetically struggling_

 _Look at the good things you've got_

 _Think while you still have me_

 _Move while you still see me_

 _You'll be lost, you'll be sorry_

 _When I'm GOOOOONNNNEEEE"_ Jean belted

"Hey, Ian Gillan, Yvonne Elliman and Murray Head, can you do us all a solid and stop singing?! We're trying to sleep here!" Terra growled, plopping down on her pillow before…

" _what then to do about Jesus of Nazareth? Miracle, wonder man, hero of fools?"_ Aveline sang loudly

" _No riots, no armies, no fighting, no slogans"_ Sif chorused

" _One thing I'll say for him, Jesus is good"_ Megara said in a bass voice

"oh Lord, we moved into the musical district…" Madison groaned

" _We dare not leave him to his own devices! His half-witted fans will get out of control!"_ Misty joined in

" _But how can we stop him?_

 _His glamour increases_

 _By leaps every minute_

 _He's top of the poll"_ Westmoreland and Campbell sang

" _I see bad things arising, the crowds crown him king which the Romans would ban_

 _I see blood and destruction; our elimination because of one man_

 _Blood and destruction because of one man"_ Eris chorused

" _Because, because, because of one man!"_ everyone chorused

" _Our elimination because of one man"_ Eris sang

" _Because, because, because of one, cause of one, cause of one man"_ everyone sang

" _what then to do about this Jesus mania?"_ Aveline belted

" _How do we deal_

 _With this Carpenter king?"_ Westmoreland and Campbell chimed in

" _where do we stop someone_

 _Who is bigger_

 _Than John was when John did his Baptism thing?"_ Bethany sang

" _FOOLS! YOU HAVE NO PERCEPTION! THE STAKES we are gambling are frighteningly high_

 _We must CRUSH HIM COMPLETELY_

 _So like John before him, THIS JESUS MUST DIE!_

 _For the sake of the nation, THIS JESUS MUST DIE!"_ Eris sang dramatically

" _MUST DIE, MUST DIE, THIS JESUS MUST DIE!"_ the girls chorused

" _so like John before him, THIS JESUS MUST DIE"_ Eris sang

" _MUST DIE,_

 _MUST DIE,_

 _THIS JESUS MUST,_

 _JESUS MUST,_

 _JESUS MUST,_

 _JEEEEESSUUUUSSSS MUUUUSSSSTTTTT…._

 _ **DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE**_ " everyone finished

"ooh, that was great! Let's do another one!" Bethany cheered

" _I've seen you twice_

 _In a short time_

 _Only a week since we started_

 _It seems to me_

 _For every time_

 _I'm getting more open hearted"_ Aela sang

" _I once was an impossible case_

 _No-one ever could reach me_

 _But I think I can see in your face_

 _There's a lot you can teach me_

 _So I wanna know…_ " Kelly sang in a solo

" _what's the name of the game?_

 _Does it mean anything to you?_

 _What's the name of the game?_

 _Can you feel it the way I do?"_ everyone chorused

" _Tell me please_

 _Cause I have to know_

 _I'm a curious child_

 _Beginning to grow_

 _And you make me talk_

 _And you make me feel_

 _And you make me show_

 _What I'm trying to conceal_

 _If I trust in you, would you let me down?_

 _Would you laugh at me, if I said I cared for you?_

 _Ah…_

 _Would you feel the same way too?_

 _I wanna know…_

 _The name of the game"_ Volcana chorused, letting Coma Doof Warrior perform a guitar solo

" _I had no friends_

 _No one to see_

 _And I was never invited_

 _Now here I am_

 _Talking to you_

 _No wonder I get so excited"_ Kayley sang

" _Your smile_

 _And the sound of your voice_

 _And the way you see through me_

 _Got a feeling you give me no choice_

 _But it means a lot to me"_ Madison chorused before a loud guitar riff echoed

" _Frank N Furter, It's all over_

 _Your mission is a failure_

 _Your lifestyle's too extreme_

 _I'm your new commander_

 _You now are my prisoner_

 _We return to Transylvania_

 _Prepare the transit beam!"_ Cassandra belted hammily

"…very nice" Madison snarked, straightening her hair

"Thanks" Cassandra replied, dressed as Riff Raff

"Ok, people, we asked nicely, we tried to drown it out but for all things that are good and pure in this great green world, ZIP IT!" Terra shouted, popping some sleeping pills into her mouth, instantly falling fast asleep


	4. Random

**Hotel Lez**

 **Chapter 4**

"Wow, that was a great chapter" Kelly remarked in amazement

"It's simply amazing what can happen when singing some Broadway songs" Jean replied

"Mmm… please be quiet… I'm dreaming of white lilacs and sheep…" Stella mumbled, snoring

"You know, I'm not one to complain or anything, but it is getting kinda late" Nyssa commented

"Yeah, you're right. Ok y'all let's get some rest before we do some more shopping" Misty barked

 **The next day…**

"Oh great! We're snowed in!" Kelly complained, as all the roads and streets were blocked by a humongous blizzard

"Not to worry dear, the snowstorm will soon pass" Regina said soothingly

"Oh, you must be Regina Mills-Swan. Kelly Chambers, pleasure to meet you" Kelly said, shaking Regina's hand

"What a firm grip you got there. You look quite like the eligible young lady" Regina commented

"Ok, I'm completely over my Phoenix Christ Superstar album…" Jean said

"That's marvelous, darling. We're so pleased to hear that" Emma said proudly

"C'mon ladies, we're gonna miss Alleluia: The Devil's Carnival!" Livewire shouted

 **Later…**

"I think most of the songs are permanently drilled into my brain" Lorna yawned tiredly, plopping onto her bed

"Yeah, who'd thought that independent musicals would be that long?" Jean yawned, lying next to Lorna

"Mmm… I need a nap" Scarlett yawned, landing face down on her pillow, drifting off to sleep

"Ooh… I feel so sleepy…" Kelly moaned dazedly as Nyssa gently laid her on the bed

"Don't worry love, I'm here for you" Nyssa said comfortingly, stroking Kelly's hair

 **Even more later…**

"What's for dinner?" Kelly asked

"Chimichangas and fried chicken" Rikke answered

"Yummy" Livewire exclaimed, digging in

"Mm-mmm, I haven't eaten this good since my 1st pregnancy" Bethany said excitedly

"well, eat, drink and be merry" Emma joked, taking a sip of her wine

"Ooh… I think I'm gonna take a digestive snooze…" Jean yawned, laying her head on the table and snoring

"wow. Jean hasn't been this much exhausted since she had her baby" Livewire remarked

"no kidding" Volcana deadpanned

"hey guys! You're not gonna believe this; Lucy Van Pelt escaped prison!" Jessica said excitedly

"WHAT?" everyone gasped

"oh my word, that's awful!" Odette exclaimed

"Oh dear!" Evadora remarked

"Not to worry ladies, police are searching for her as we speak" Helga said, calming the residents

"um, in the middle of a blizzard?" Jean asked

"yes" Helga answered

"well, that shouldn't take long" Jean replied

"how come?" Rikke wondered

"well considering who our author is and what he's capable of, I'm sure the answer will reveal itself" Jean stated

"oh! Good news, Lucy's been caught!" Android 18 said

"yay" everyone cheered

"Ooh, wait a minute, she fell into an ice lake. She's dead" Idrial commented

"oh…" everyone moaned sadly

"Yeah, that really sucks" Jade said

"She didn't deserve that. How's her husband taking the news?" Kelly asked

"Apparently he's selling all her stuff and heirlooms on eBay" Piper remarked

"Wow. Money isn't tight these days" Kelly quipped

"Pfft, obviously" Nyssa snorted

 **Even later later…**

"I can't fall asleep" Kelly sighed

"Funny thing, neither can I" Jean remarked from her bed

"Would all of you please silence your incessant babbling and sleep? Great Odin's breath, you should be exhausted from all that snow shoveling" Valkyrie snarled, turning on her side

"Gee, what's with her?" Kelly asked

"PMS" Idrial whispered

"Ok, say no more" Kelly answered, lying back down and shutting her eyes

"Anyone still awake?" Talia asked, a few hands raising

"Mmm… not Stella. She goes out really quickly" Bloom commented

"mmm… don't wake me up yet… set the alarm for 7" Stella mumbled, snoring

"that's odd. I don't hear any snoring from Aurora" Jasmine remarked

"if you must know, I'm reading Fifty Shades Darker at the moment" Aurora quipped

"oh…" everyone responded

"so, getting a bit naughty late at night, huh?" Sand Saref asked teasingly

"no Sand, I don't do that or else Cinderella will clobber me with her ex-husband's artificial hip" Aurora said

"oh for goodness sakes Aurora, I was kidding! Good lord, you seem to overreact to almost anything!" Cinderella sighed

"Ok, g'night y'all" Misty yawned, closing her eyes and snoring softly

"Yeah, I'm startin' to feel Ms. Sandman's warm touch…" Sonya yawned, drifting off to sleep

"mmm…" Kelly hummed, snuggling close to Nyssa

 **The next morning…**

"Maya? Maya, wake up" Kelly hissed, shaking the siren's shoulder as she snored loudly

"Mmm… ok, ok I'm up…" Maya yawned, stretching as she woke up

"mmm… what time is it? Is it morning?" Jean asked dazedly

"yes" Emma said

"well hello sleepyheads, we were beginning to worry you weren't coming to breakfast" Rikke said warmly

"we're just a little sleepy" Kelly said tiredly

"aww you poor dears. Why don't you go back to bed? We'll keep breakfast open when you wake up" Rikke said

"ok…" Kelly yawned, rubbing her eyes

"ok girls, goodnight" Rikke said sweetly

 **Later…**

"There you all are! Did you have a good nap?" Rikke asked

"I slept like a baby" Stella said, yawning widely as Bloom kissed her cheek

"Mm-hmm. That felt so good" Bethany said, feeling more energized and alert

"I slept like a rock" Nyssa commented, feeling so fresh and energized

"I… I just snored a lot" Marian Hawke replied goofily

"That you did, Marian, that you did" Valkyrie agreed

"Mmm, time for a little digestive snooze…" Jean yawned, lying down on the sofa and falling fast asleep

"Zzzzzz… thanks for the extra credits Cylon…" Starbuck mumbled, snoring loudly

"Laura! Laura, sweetie, wake up!" Cameron gasped, waking up her wife

"mm? oh hey honey, I was taking a nap" Starbuck yawned as Cameron pulled her pregnant wife up

"wanna grab some breakfast?" Cameron purred

"I thought you'd never ask" Starbuck replied

"ahhh… that felt soo good" Bethany exclaimed, rubbing her full belly

"mm-hmm" Morrigan nodded in reply, drinking her orange juice

"urp… ok I'm going back to bed." Dazzler yawned tiredly, Spiral helping her up

"hey Nyssa, I got a day off today. What do you wanna do?" Kelly asked, hugging her wife

"I dunno, what do you feel like doin?" Nyssa asked, rubbing Kelly's womb

"just being lazy and doin' absolutely nothing" Kelly responded, kissing Nyssa affectionately

 **Later that day…**

"hey. Anyone awake?" Kelly asked dazedly

"mmm… wake me when it's morning" Stella mumbled, snoring

"ugh, ok, I'm getting up" Helga moaned, getting out of her bed

"five, four, three, two, one and…" Jean counted down as Helga plopped down on the floor, snoring softly

"how'd you know that was gonna happen?" EDI asked, stirring

"I'm omniscient" Jean answered, fluffing her pillow

"Oof, Ms. Helga is awfully heavy. How much does she weigh?" Stella grunted, trying to get a snoring Helga onto the bed

"trust me sweetie I'd really not wanna answer that question. Also be careful, we're trying to keep the baby healthy" Bloom reminded as Stella complied

"wait a minute, Stella's PREGNANT?" Jean gasped, everyone waking up

"well… er, it was meant to be a surprise, so yeah, Bloom and I are having a baby" Stella said happily

"well congratulations! We hope your child will have the perfect childhood here in this beautiful hotel" Helga says, waking up

"so, what shall we do now?" Domino asks excitedly

"well… we could go do some Mousercise" Jean offers

"again? We did that last week!" Stella complained

"hey, let's try not to forget we're trying to gain some strength for our big marathon this summer" Maya reminded

"ooh…" everyone said

"yeah, she's got a good point" Stella commented

"c'mon you lazies, get outta bed and let's whip ourselves into shape" Maya ordered

"I'm too pretty to get whipped" Stella whined

"Sweetie, it's a figure of speech" Maya replied

"oh…" Stella responded

 **Later that night…**

"Mm-mmm, this ice cream really rocks! You have got to gimme the recipe for this" Stella exclaims

"honey, that's store made ice cream. You want the recipe, I'll look on Pinterest" Bloom says

"ok, thanks honey" Stella says happily, nuzzling Bloom with her baby bump in the way

"pardon me, but how far along are you?" Morgenstern asks

"ooh, three and a half months" Stella answers, yawning widely as she relaxed on her lounge couch and fell asleep

"wow, Stella has been sleeping a LOT lately" Aria comments, walking in with her wives Allison, Spencer, Emily, Maya and Hanna

"yup. Just like I did when I was carrying Kelly" Eris remarks

"Ma!" Kelly spat, embarrassed

"well it's true, sweetie. You weighed a ton when you were in my belly" Eris adds

"ok, I suddenly lost my appetite…" Jean remarked, feeling a bit uneasy

"me too. I'm goin' to bed" Rogue yawns, both her and her wife Ms. Marvel heading off to their rooms

"Oh Kelly dear, you know how much your mum likes to tease you" Eris chuckled lovingly

"yeah. I noticed" Kelly deadpanned

 **Later that night…**

"so ladies, how was the Cyberball game?" Helga asks

"it was fabulous. Kelly fell asleep during the game" Maya answered

"ugh, guys, can you gimme a hand? She's pretty heavy" Nyssa groaned

"ok, don't worry darling, I'll go put her down" Star Sapphire said, taking Kelly


	5. Random Part 1

**Hotel Lez**

 **Chapter 5**

"Ahhhh… a nice bubble bath in the bubble bath lounge" Jean sighs in ecstasy as she and the others relaxed in the massive queen sized bubble bathtub

"Mm-hmm. And it definitely goes great with some Chianti" Kelly replied, taking a sip of her drink

"Mmm…" Stella moaned lustily as she snored softly, Bloom cuddling with her

"Ok ladies, let's dry off. My skin's beginning to prune" Jean said, getting out of the tub

"yeah, you heard her, let's get up and do somethin'" Maya replied

 **At the bank…**

"ok, so that's $3.4 credits for our guzzoline, $2.5 for electric bill, $3.45 for food and $75.6 for general" Stella calculated on her datapad

"see? I told you math isn't so hard" Tecna smirked, Maya rolling her eyes

"ok girls, have a nice day" the bank manager said, the girls thanking him as they headed back to the hotel

 **Later…**

"mmm… gosh, these pillows are so soft" Stella yawned, relaxing in the lounge room

"yeah. No wonder all the drinks in here are Zzzquill" Tecna commented, taking a sip of one before falling on the bed, fast asleep

"wow. All this food is so yummy" Maya grunted, chowing down on a bowl of pretzel sticks

"uh Maya honey… those pretzels are laced with Zzzquill" Lilith said, Maya swallowing her food, laying her head down and drifting off to sleep

"Maya? Maya, are you awake?" Tecna asked, shaking Maya's shoulder, the siren snoring loudly, her eyes closed tight as drool formed on her lip

"ok, I'm getting up. I wonder what's on TV" Stella said, waking up

"wow! Stella, this is actually the 1st time you decided not to fall asleep" Luna said, happy

"eh, it's all about self-control" Stella shrugged, turning on Everybody Loves Raymond

"mmm… what a great nap…" Maya yawned, rubbing her sleepy eyes

"hey killer. You really gotta turn the volume down on your snoring" Lilith remarked

"can we do a musical number now?" Supergirl asked excitedly

"honey, honey; we did that twice in the previous chapter. I think enough is enough" Helga said calmly

"oh come on Miss Helga, please?" Supergirl begged, showing her precious puppy dog eyes

"aww…." Helga awed before nodding her head

"YAY!" Supergirl cheered loudly, waking everyone in the hotel up

"WHAT? WHAT IS IT? IS THE HOTEL ON FIRE?" Wanda shrieked hysterically, walking in with her girlfriends Keesha and Dorothy Ann

"no sweetie. No fire" Helga said warmly

"…oh" Wanda said before all 3 walked off, whistling the 1st verse of This Jesus Must Die

"um… hmm… I got it" Supergirl exclaimed, whispering it into Helga's ear

"oh my… Kara, are you sure about this?" Helga asked, Supergirl nodding excitedly and whispering more

"hmmm… I don't know… it might… uh-huh… ooh, very fascinating…" Helga said, the others listening in

"I'm shivering with antici…" Dinah giggled

"SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT" everyone chanted crazily

"…pation" Dinah finished before loud music blared

Supergirl:

 _How do you do? I_

 _See you've met my_

 _Faithful handyman_

 _He's just a little brought down_

 _Because when you knocked_

 _He thought you were_

 _The Candyman_

 _Don't get strung out_

 _By the way I look_

 _Don't judge a book_

 _By it's cover_

 _I'm not much of a man_

 _By the light of day_

 _But by night_

 _I'm one hell of a lover_

"oh… my… god" Cordelia gasped, Kaylee fainting with a smile on her face as Supergirl revealed her black lingerie suit in all her glory

Supergirl:

 _I'm just a sweet transvestite_

 _From Transsexual Transylvania_

 _Let me show you around_

 _Maybe play you a sound_

 _Y'all look like you're both pretty groovy_

 _Or if you want something visual_

 _But not too abysmal_

 _We could take in an old Keanu Reeves movie_

Huntress:

 _I'm glad we caught you at home_

 _Could we use your phone?_

 _We're both in a bit of a hurry_

 _We'll just say where we are_

 _And go back to the car_

 _We don't wanna be any worry_

Supergirl:

 _Well y'all got caught with a flat_

 _Well, how 'bout that_

 _Well babies, don't you panic_

 _By the light of the night_

 _It'll be alright_

 _I'll get you a satanic mechanic_

 _I'm just a sweet transvestite_

 _From Transsexual Transylvania_

"Ok stop! Cut, cut, cut! Let's stop right there before we get in trouble" Helga hollered, halting the extremely bizarre number

"Thanks. I was getting kinda hot in this thing anyway" Supergirl said, zipping down her suit before Helga and Crysta stopped her

"um… I think you'll wanna do that somewhere in private" Crysta said

"you mean like when a bear does something in the woods?" Supergirl asked, everyone facepalming in disgust

"um… no, no honey. I mean, the ladies' room" Helga translated

"…oh" Supergirl said, flying off into the women's bathroom

 **Later that same day…**

"ugh, soap operas are soooo yesterday…" Clover yawned, as she, Dinah, Huntress, Shepard, Kelly, Nyssa, Livewire, Volcana, Westmoreland, Campbell and the others were in the TV room watching a full 24 hour marathon of General Hospital

"eh, I watch it just for the sex scenes" Campbell said, chewing on a Crunch candy bar

"Sarah! You're married to ME! We see those ladies in the 13th floor" Westmoreland snapped

"you mean *on* the 13th floor" Helga corrected

"Helga was a grammar teacher in school" Kelly said to the others

"Ohhh…" everyone said, understanding

"ugh, Leslie, quit drooling on my purse" Alex groaned, shoving a snoring Livewire off the couch

"mmm… the floor's much more cozier" Livewire mumbled

"oh get up, you lazybones" Bethany snapped, about to tap her until Helga grabbed her hand

"sweetie, remember that little talk we had about what we use to touch Leslie?" Helga asked

"use electro-resistant gloves" Bethany said, waking Livewire up with a gentle nudge with her gloves

"mmm… hey it's alright kid, I wouldn't zap you. You're one of us" Livewire said, giving Bethany a warm hug

"aww…" everyone awed as Bethany hugged back

"Leslie, that's so nice of you" Bethany said cheerfully, as Marian braided her hair

 **Later that night…**

"seriously, Helga? Out of all the other movies we could've rented at Al's Mega Nostalgia VHS Shop, you just HAD to pick the one film we all love to hate" Aurora complained

"hey, what are we watching for tonight?" Black Canary asked excitedly

"Dinah, pop quiz; what large thing spits out lava, erupts and starts with the letter V?" Olga asked quizzically

"uh…" Dinah thought, drool forming on her lip

"hoo boy…" Livewire moaned, checking her watch until Dinah snapped out of her daze

"VOLCANO" Dinah exclaimed

"ding ding! We have a winner in the Girls with Best IQ contest" Miranda snarked

"trust me girls, when this is over, I'll rent a much more suitable film" Helga assured

"so long as it's not frogs attacking people or toxic dessert food or poisonous liquor or animals going crazy after the ozone layer depletes, or large radioactive ants, or a crazy person inviting her enemies to her birthday party, or a shopping mall with killer robots, or God sending dozens and dozens of angels to kill all mankind, or a large tarantula running amok…" Dinah said

"Honey, I think you just named every single most cheesiest and most terrible horror movie in existence" Huntress commented as the movie started

"Hmmm… it's set in Los Angeles… this doesn't sound so bad" Crysta commented

"Crysta, I don't think you were paying close attention to the cover on the box" Livewire lampshaded

"Yeah? It's not like it's a movie about a volcano erupting and OH MY GOD" Crysta shrieked

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH" everyone screamed

"Ladies, ladies, ladies! Calm down! It's only…. Oh my dear Lord, that is definitely unpleasant" Helga retched

"What? What's everyone screaming and hollering about… GAAAAAHHHH" Samantha and Tabitha yelled

"it's MEN! All the main cast members are MEN! And-and the females are only in minor roles" Kelly explained

"ladies, we should make our own version of this film. I call it… Volcana" Helga exclaimed

"wait a minute… you want ME to be the star of your all-girl movie?" Volcana asked excitedly

"I DIE! I FALL THROUGH A TRENCH AND I DIE" Ellie protested loudly

"and Action" Helga barked through the megaphone as everyone got to work

"Ok people listen up, here's what south of us; no more museums, no more department stores, just homes! If we turn around now, they'll be defenseless! You don't like my plan, that's good. Gimme another plan, but don't tell me we're backing out" Kelly hollered dramatically

"and print! That was excellent work, Kelly. Good job on the delivery of your lines" Helga complimented

"hey c'mon it's acting" Kelly said selflessly

 **FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY!**

 **SEE THE NEW DISASTER MOVIE WITH A HELL LAVA GIRL POWER**

 **HOTEL LEZ PRESENTS**

 **KELLY CHAMBERS MAKING HER 1** **ST** **STARRING DEBUT IN…**

 **VOLCANA**

 **SHE'S HOTTER THAN HELL- AND WE MEAN LITERALLY!**

 **NOW SHOWING AT THE REGAL HOTEL LEZ**

"Here's to our first successful movie" Helga said, everyone clinking their glasses in celebration

"That was really fun! I can't wait to see the look on Fox's face when they see we outperformed them" Dinah gushed

"Next time can we do like an American She-Wolf in London?" Kelly asked excitedly, everyone imagining it

 **COMING SOON**

 **DON'T MISS…**

 **THE NEWEST FILM FROM HOTEL LEZ STUDIOS**

 **AELA THE HUNTRESS AND LESLIE "LIVEWIRE" WILLIS STAR IN…**

 **AN AMERICAN SHE-WOLF IN LONDON**

 **A DIFFERENT KIND OF ANIMAL… WITH A DIFFERENT KIND OF BITE**

 **WRITTEN FOR THE SCREEN AND DIRECTED BY: HELGA K. SINCLAIR**

 **MUSIC BY COMA DOOF WARRIOR AND THE WARRIORETTES**

 **EDITING BY DEXTER GRIF AND RICHARD DICK SIMMONS**

 **STUNT CASTING BY SARGE AND TEX**

 **No actual werewolves were harmed in the making of this film**

"Helga, our business is a booming! We got so many new customers/guests" Kelly said excitedly

"Hmmm… business a booming…" Helga thought, another idea popping into her head

 **COMING SOON FROM HOTEL LEZ STUDIOS**

 **AN ALL NEW WW2 ALL GIRL ROMP**

 **ROSE OF SHARON CASSIDY STARS IN HELGA K. SINCLAIR'S**

 **INGLOURIOUS BLONDES**

 **Co-starring**

 **KELLY CHAMBERS**

 **LESLIE "LIVEWIRE" WILLIS**

 **ANDROID 18**

 **SEVEN OF NINE**

 **GOLDIE AND WENDY**

 **SUSAN IVANOVA**

 **And THE CONTESSA as CONTESSA LANDA**

 **Special guest stars**

 **SNOW WHITE**

 **PRINCESS ODETTE**

 **GIGANTA**

 **EMMA and JEAN FROST**

 **SELENE**

 **And HELGA K. SINCLAIR as HERSELF**

"Hey Helga? We have a problem. A really, really, REALLY big problem" Volcana said nervously

"What did Kara do this time?" Helga groaned, rubbing her sore forehead

"Remember those bimbo pills?" Livewire asked

"Yes, I remember throwing them out, why?" Helga asked

"Well… you see…" Livewire trailed as a truly geeky Supergirl walked in

"Oh…my…Hera" Wonder Woman gasped, fainting

"Oh boy, this isn't gonna end well…" Westmoreland said to Campbell

"Shall we stay outta this until this is over?" Campbell asked to Westmoreland

"mm-hmm" both answered, dashing off

"Kara! Kara! What's the square root of 34?" Alex asked her younger sister

"Omg, like I totally hate math! It's like, so totally stupid" Supergirl said, giggling

"Oh no, no, no, no…." Helga moaned, banging her head against the wall

"Hehehehe that sounds fun" Supergirl said like an idiot blonde

"WHO GAVE KARA THOSE PILLS?" Helga shrieked, everyone freezing

"Um…" Supergirl thought, drool forming on her lip

"Oh good grief" Helga moaned, realizing Supergirl's IQ was so low she swallowed the pills herself

"Um… actually this new Kara is much nicer and friendlier" Alex said as Kara gave her big sis a foot rub

"Alex, um, not to be a critic, but aren't you taking advantage of the fact that your sister's a total moron?" Meg asked

"Hehehehehe you're so silly Meg" Supergirl giggled innocently

"That's it, I'm calling Arkham Asylum immediately" Meg deadpanned, dialing the phone

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Helga roared, aiming her pistol at Meg's head

"ooh…." Everyone oohed

"we never, ever, ever betray our sisters like that. Do I make myself clear?" Helga asked

"crystal" Meg replied, a bit shaken

"ok" Helga responded, back to her formal, polite self again

"I'm bored" Supergirl said childishly as Alex scooped her up

"c'mon little sis, let's go to our room for some quiet time" Alex said, rubbing Kara's back

"…what the hell just happened?" Livewire asked, astonished

"to be honest, I have no idea" Helga answered

 **Later…**

"how is she?" Kelly asked as Alex came into the game room

"I got her down for her nap. She'll be asleep all day" Alex answered

"how'd you convince her to do that?" Kelly asked

"I bribed her with some ice cream" Alex answered, taking a sip of her tea

"oh no… Jigglypuff's… singing again…" Meg yawned, everyone drifting off to sleep

 **One Jigglypuff-induced nap later…**

"oh my. How long was I asleep?" Helga yawned, looking around to see everyone else sleeping

"aww…" Helga awed softly, tiptoeing over to where Maya was sleeping

"Maya? Maya, honey, wake up" Helga crooned, Maya grunting and yawning loudly

"Wake up sleepyhead" Helga cooed, shaking Supergirl's shoulder as she snored

"Uhn… what a great nap… I had such good dreams" Supergirl yawned, waking up

"Ohhh… what time is it?" Alex yawned, waking up, rubbing her sleepy eyes

"Mmm… turn off the lights… I'm still sleeping" Livewire mumbled, finally opening her eyes

"oh my, what a lovely sleep…" Jean said, waking up

"Mmm… what a mystifying snooze…" Morrigan commented, opening her eyes

"Mmm… five more minutes…" Batgirl whined, waking up

"well… ooh, I haven't slept that long since I was a baby" Bethany murmured

"Uhn… ooh that was a good snooze" Kelly yawned, stretching out as she awoke

"Ooohhh... I had the weirdest dream I was a bimbo…" Supergirl murmured, rubbing her sleepy eyes

"wait WHAT? It was… all a dream?" Helga gasped in shock

"um, duh" Kaylee deadpanned, getting up

"wow, you inherited Nana's snarkiness" Gwen moaned

"it runs in the family" Kaylee replied, switching on Teen Wolf

"ooh! Guys, guys! They're showing a documentary on the Oil and Water Wars" Livewire said excitedly

"sweet! I want in" Supergirl exclaimed, grabbing a 12 liter bottle of Dr. Pepper and a bag of popcorn

 **Later…**

"…wow. That was… certainly something" Kitty Kowalski said in awe

"hmmm? Sorry about that. I nodded off" Helga murmured, waking up

"uh guys? We got a new customer" Westmoreland said excitedly

"really? Who is she?" Helga asked, perking up excitedly

"well… here's the funny thing… she's a mummy" Campbell said sheepishly

"what?" Aela asked

"yeah, that's what I just said. She's a 3,000 year old mummy" Campbell said

"...oh dear" Evadora gulped

 **TO BE CONTINUED….**


	6. Random Part 2

**Hotel Lez**

 **Chapter 6**

"oh my gosh… a real mummy… in our hotel" Helga gasped in awe as she and everyone gathered around it

"Eeewww, it's all icky and grotesque" Bethany whined

"Aw suck it up, will you? It's just dead worms, larva and GYAAAAAAHHHH" Livewire shrieked as she opened the mummy's tomb

"…well, there's something you don't see every day" Helga said, chuckling lightly, everyone staring at her

"I really don't think this is the appropriate time for that type of humour" Lydia deadpanned

"look, her name's on it! Anck-Su-Namun" Ariel gasped, reading the hieroglyphics

"wait, what the Stoker? You can speak Egyptian?" Android 18 asked, doing a double take

"I learned a few tricks of the trade in university" Ariel grinned

"yeah, yeah, yeah. Ok look, we cant have this… thing in here, it'll scare away customers" Meg snapped

"Megara! We do not treat our female kind like that. She is a welcome guest in this house" Helga retorted

"oh my god, it's alive, IT'S ALLLLLIIIIVVVVVEEEEEE" Livewire hollered dramatically as the mummy literally regenerated

"where… where am I?" Anck-Su-Namun asked in English

"the Hotel Lez" Helga answered

"what is the year?" Anck-Su-Namun asked

"2016" Esmerelda answered

"…2016? So, I'm in the future?" Anck-Su-Namun asked in awe

"if you wanna call it that, yes" Anya replied

"well, where are the flying cars?" Ancksunamun asked

"come again?" Rikke asked

"flying cars, floating buildings, that type of future" Ancksunamun said

"… no, no, no sweetie, we aren't all the way there… yet" Huntress assured, raising her eyebrows

"um…" Helga thought, ordering everyone to huddle around her as Ancksunamun wandered around the hotel

"we have got to keep her here and show her how the modern world behaves" Helga hissed

"I know, right? She looks like she stumbled outta Quantum Leap" Livewire snickered

"Leslie, for the sake of our business and our livelihood, I insist you take this matter seriously" Helga snarled

"ok, ok sheesh, I'll simmer down on the one-liners" Livewire moaned, rolling her eyes

"ok, we're gonna need a room for her to stay in and someone to keep her company" Helga continued

"how about Leslie?" Bethany suggested, everyone staring at Leslie

"no way, uh-uh, I am not spending my sweet hard-paid time with that little she-devil" Livewire refused

"I'll increase your paycheck" Helga groaned, rolling her eyes

"BOOMMM! Shakalaka!" Livewire exclaimed

"Is… is that your thing? That's the thing you do?" Aela asked

"you bet your sweet booty it is, girl! Come here sugar, Livewire here's gonna give you some good ol American hospitality" Livewire said affably, taking Ancksunamun up the staircase

"a new guest… with Livewire?" Supergirl asked nervously

"here they come again, worming their way into the black matters of our brains…" Helga said forebodingly

"oh, for the love of… will you knock it off? It's not like she's straight or anything…" Jean remarked

"GUYS! Anck-su-na what's her name says she's straight" Livewire gasped

"… you just had to say that didn't you?" Helga said, narrowing her eyes into slits at a scared, sheepish Jean

 **Advert break**

 **Helga: Closed captioning for Hotel Lez has been paid for and brought to you in part by the following…**

 **Poison Ivy: Hello ladies. Are you single? Are you straight? Are you looking to learn your inner girl? Then come on down to Auntie Ivy's Chateau. We take all the eligible lovely ladies of Calitoonia and treat them with dignity, royalty and grace. So come on down, have a whiff of my pheromones and… what happens in Auntie Ivy's stays at Auntie Ivy's**

 **We now return to our following programme**

"…and we're back" Helga gasped, everyone getting back into position

"wow, Ivy's ad was very… um, arousing…" Supergirl said, panting as beads of sweat dripped from her head

"no kidding" Aela snarked

 **Laugh track**

"wait, what the? How in the hell did we get paired with a laugh track?" Helga asked

 **In case you didn't read the memo Hotel Lez will now be filmed and written live in front of a studio audience**

 **Signed,**

 **Your boss,**

 **Mr. Bram Stoker**

"five, four, three, two, one and…" Helga counted down just before

"BOOOMMMM! Shakalaka" Livewire exclaimed loudly, teleporting in with a loud zap

 **Audience cheering**

"thank you, thank you! Awww, now y'all are making me blush" Livewire said, blushing

"Something tells me this is gonna become a running gag…" Helga murmurs

"Helga, I wanna thank you so much for you and your daughters into letting me stay" Ancksunamun said happily

"Ancksunamun say WHAAAATTT?" Livewire gasped overdramatically

 **Loud audience laughter**

"Wow Leslie, you're really stealing the show here" Kelly exclaimed

"Wait a second! I thought this was a book" Lydia argued

"Ladies, ladies, LADIES! HEY!" Helga barked, bellowing over the squabbling Kelly and Lydia

"if the readers want it to be a show, then we'll keep it that way" Helga said calmly

"ok, I'm sorry" Kelly and Lydia said in unison, shaking hands and kissing one another

"um daughters? I don't know what your term for us is in your world but there's somethin' we probably should've told you earlier" Livewire said, glancing at Helga

"well, what is it? Why is it called Hotel Lez?" Ancksunamun asked curiously

"here goes…" Helga said to herself, inhaling

"we're all lesbians" Crysta said, cutting Helga off

"…oh. That's awesome" Ancksunamun exclaimed

"uh-oh" Aunt Clara said, gulping

"I totally gotta change! Aaahh, after 3,000 years, I'm free! It's time to conquer a lesbian" Ancksunamun declared

"Livewire, what did you do?" Helga asked, holding Livewire by her shirt collar

"I… I, um, I may have said a little too much stuff…" Livewire whimpered

"a little? A LITTLE? Leslie, now she… ooh, she… she thinks I'm your mother" Helga says in disgust

"hmmm… I could get used to calling you mama" Livewire purred

"PBBTT" Supergirl snickered, doubling over with sheer glee

"Knock it off Kara" Alex moaned

"oh come on relax. She's fitting in well" Maya said as the spa girls oohed and awed over Ancksunamun's body

"How long do you think it'll take until everyone realizes she's not actually a lesbian and just a confused, out of time, out of place, 3,000 year old mummy?" Aela asked

"I… I don't know" Helga answered

"Well I'm heading to the chow hall and secure some Oreos. I got a diet to keep up. Break time" Supergirl said, flying off

"Honeymoon's over numbnuts, you're back down to number seven!" Helga bellowed

"Oh yeah? Well *I* saw the tank too" Supergirl retorted

"hold it, HOOOOLLLLD EVERYTHING" Livewire exclaimed, taking Supergirl's red kryptonite and smashing it

"uhn… I feel dizzy…" Supergirl said woozily, staggering around

"YAY! THE RED KRYPTONITE MAKING HER A CRAZY ASS BITCH HAS BEEN DESTROYED" everyone cheered

"The who with the what now?" Supergirl asked

"Kara! Kara! How many fingers am I holding up?" Alex gasped

"uh… who are you?" Supergirl asked curiously

"oh… crap" Livewire exclaimed

"this bad, very, very, very, VERY BAD" Helga gasped

"MY POOR BABY SISTER HAS AMNESIA" Alex blubbered dramatically

"oh for goodness sakes, calm down! She'll recover in a day or two" Livewire assured comfortingly

"OW!" Supergirl exclaimed as she got hit on the head with a book

"Kara, are you alright?" Helga asked

"I… I remember everything now. I am she, I am the master of all the good thingies, I…AM…SUPERGIRL" Kara exclaimed dramatically

"OH THANK GOD MY BABY SISTER'S BACK TO NORMAL" Alex wailed hysterically, planting kisses over Supergirl's face

"Ewwww! That's disgusting" Livewire retched

"I think this story/show is getting way too silly" Astra deadpanned

"you mean like Monty Python?" Supergirl asked, dressed in a goofy outfit

"oh no… first she became a bimbo… then she became a crazy-ass bitch… now she's just plain crazy" Helga moaned

"Hey, I got an idea… how's about I sing some Broadway showtunes?" Supergirl asked lewdly

"NOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT" Helga wailed

Supergirl:

 _A weakling_

 _Weighing 98 pounds_

 _Will get sand in his face_

 _And kicked to the ground_

 _And soon again_

 _With a determined chin_

 _The sweat from her gauze_

 _As she works for her cause_

 _She'll glisten_

 _And gleam_

 _And massage with a little bit of steam_

 _She'll be pink_

 _And quite clean_

 _SHE'LL BE A STRRRROOOOOONNNNNGGG WOMAN_

 _OHHHH HONEY_

 _BUT THE WRRRRROOONNNNGGG WOMAN_

 _IN JUST 7 DAYS_

 _I CAN MAKE YOU A WOOOOMMAAAAANNNN_

 _She'll do press ups_

 _She thinks dynamic tension_

 _Must be really hard work_

 _But a DELTOID_

 _And a BICEP_

 _A HOT GROIN_

 _And a TRICEP_

 _Makes me ooh-hoo-hoo SHAKE_

 _Makes me wanna take Charles Atlas by the hand_

 _IN JUST 7 DAYS_

 _I CAN MAKE YOU A WOMAN_

 _DIG IT… IF YOU CAAAANNNN_

 _IN JUST 7 DAYS_

 _I CAN MAKE YOU A WOMAN_

"…." Everyone was basically stunned

"wow" Alex uttered

"what'd ya think?" Supergirl asked eagerly

"it was… um, pretty damn good" Livewire said

"REALLY?" Supergirl asked excitedly

"oh geez, now she's hyper" Helga moaned as Supergirl ran up and down the walls gibbering

"hey, wasn't the plot supposed to be about a 3,000 year old mummy?" Aela asked

"no silly, we overused it. Since Kara's becoming the most popular character" Helga said

"aw come on, who doesn't love BOOOMMM! Shakalaka" Livewire exclaimed

 **Loud audience laughter**

 **Later…**

"Zzzzzz…" Supergirl snored loudly in her room

"ok, Kara's asleep. Thank goodness" Alex sighed in relief

"I'm AWAKE" Supergirl shouted, Helga spitting out her coffee

 **TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES… PLEASE STAND BY…**

"I'm sorry everyone. I'll try to be more self-controlled" Supergirl apologized

"It's ok sweetie, we all forgive you" Kelly said, everyone giving her a group hug

"Aww…" everyone awed

"I'm all scrunched up" Livewire moaned

 **Later…**

"Ok, elephant in the room: is all of us sleeping in Kara's bed REALLY necessary?" Helga griped

"Mmm… yeah alright, set the alarm for 7…" Stella yawned, sticking her hand down Helga's nightgown

"Stella, what? What the hell is your hand doing in my ASS?" Helga gasped

"Kinky…" Batgirl yawned

"Seriously Barbara, cut the shit" Helga exclaimed

"She's having a wet dream again" Kelly explained

"Oy…" Helga moaned, popping some sleeping pills into her mouth and falling fast asleep, snoring loudly

"Oh cool, her eyes are white" Kelly exclaimed as Helga frothed at the mouth, snoring

"Ewwww… there's white goo on her nightie" Bethany retched

"Uh honey, that's actually…" Livewire said whispering into Bethany's ear

"BLAAAAAAAGGGH" Bethany heaved, vomiting into the toilet

"…oh that was really mature Leslie, really mature…" Megara snarked

"Hush up, drama queen" Livewire grumbled, turning on her side

"Mmm…mmm…" Supergirl moaned lustily in her sleep

"That's it! I'm outta here" Megara griped, falling out of the bed and landing onto the floor

"Mmm… the floor is much more comfy…" Megara moaned

"uh-uh-uh, nobody uses my catchphrases but me" Livewire said

"Ugh… all of you… go…to…SLEEP" Helga roared, spraying the whole room with sleeping gas

 **12 ¾ hours later…**

"Mmmm…" Helga yawned, waking up with a big yawn

"Ugh… sleeping knocks me out" Supergirl groaned, eating waffles

"Mmm… what time is it?" Aela asked sleepily

"It is 10 in the AM" Livewire moaned, holding an icepack to her head

"mmm… not so loud… I have a headache" Kimberly groaned sorely

"ooh… I feel so tired…" Helga yawned, going back to sleep

 **12.5 hours later…**

"ooohhh… I had a good nap…" Helga murmured, waking up at last

"well it's about time you got off your lazy ass, sleepyhead" Livewire snarked

"GUYS! Granny Goodness has been elected as The Pope!" Supergirl announced

"Supergirl SAY WHAAAAAATTTTTT?" Livewire exclaimed loudly

"That's it. It's time to go back to my old job" Evy announced

"what's that?" Kim Possible asked

"I'm gonna assassinate The Pope" Evy explained

"…what?" Helga asked in shock

"ooh! A new Pope election has now resulted in an assassination attempt! Will Evy resume her old assassin ways? Will Helga maintain her sanity? And will Supergirl ever, ever, EVER keep her head out of the icebox? Tune in next time on Hotel Lez!" Livewire  
exclaimed at the camera

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	7. Random Part 3

**Hotel Lez**

 **Chapter 6**

 **Helga: Hotel Lez has been written and filmed in front of a live studio audience**

 **Livewire: BOOMMM! Shakalaka! What up, FanFiction? Livewire's in the house, bitches! So last time we found out Ancksunamun was an ancient 3,000 year old mummy; then Supergirl went all completely cuckoo after that cute little Pokémon marshmallow sang us all to sleep; and now little Miss Evy told us she's a hitwoman and is hired to assassinate The Pope**

 ***really catchy 80s techno pop music***

"So here we are in Italy! Isn't this fun?" Supergirl asked happily

"Well, getting shot in the ass definitely wasn't fun" Livewire complained, rubbing her sore ass

"Ladies, focus on the problem at hand: we're here to stop Evy from assassinating The Pope" Helga said

"oh yeah, right, that" Supergirl said, gazing at a nun's butt

"come on ladies, the sooner we find Evy, the sooner we can stop this madness" Helga ordered

"Madness? THIS…IS…SATIRE!" Supergirl bellowed loudly

"ok, that's it, no more watching HBO before bed for you" Alex said

"look! There's the Pope! And… oh my god, she is sooo unholy" Bethany retched

"yeah, maybe she should be addressed as Her Unholiness" Livewire snickered loudly

"Ladies! Behave yourselves! We've got to be serious now. This is no time whatsoever for shenanigans, slapstick silliness or any of the sort" Helga ordered

"oh… we should listen to her. She's so smart" Kelly said

"thank you very much for that warm compliment" Helga replied softly

"ugh… I despise lesbians… they are an unholy lot… especially that blonde whippersnapper in the slutty outfit" Granny wheezed before coughing heavily

"oh my… guess she won't live long for her inauguration ball" Nyssa commented

"She's The Pope, Nyssa, not the President" Helga corrected

"well, she could be" Huntress piped up

"Focus, ladies, focus!" Helga barked, everyone paying attention

"Ok, let's go to the last place Evy was last seen" Helga ordered

 **Meanwhile, at the last place Evy was last seen…**

"Have you seen this woman?" Idrial asked a passing by Italian couple

"Donde esta Evy?" Supergirl asked in Spanish

"Does anyone here speak English?" Arwen asked

"Um, we are in a foreign country, after all" Helga deadpanned

"Mi amore!" Rikke exclaimed in Italian

"Rikke, what… what the hell's that smell on your breath?" Helga asked, pinching her nose

"It's a-garlic! A-made by a-Mario!" Rikke replied goofily

"Oh dear, seems as if our dear Legate has overdosed those silly pills" Evadora moaned

"Mmm! This garlic tastes really good" Supergirl grunted, chewing on a garlic clove

"Kara! That… that is… ooh, never mind…" Alex scoffed

"Look girls! My new nails match! They're sooo fantabulous" Cousin Mel gushed

"Fantabulous isn't a word" Helga said

"WELL IT IS NOW" Cousin Mel snarled

"Oh my god! Where the hell's Evy when you need her? She's got a much better life instead of shooting some old geezer in a big hat shaped like a vagina" Batgirl whined

"Barbara, language" Helga reminded

"ugh… yes Mom" Batgirl groaned

"ooh! A lasagna! I want it" Livewire chirped

"Leslie, no…" Helga started, holding the crazed meta by the collar

"please Helga, a girl's gotta eat, you know that" Livewire complained

"Leslie, you are NOT GONNA TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS…" Helga said before Livewire dashed off

"…situation" Helga finished as Livewire swallowed all the lasagna

"mm-mmm, that was some damn good food" Livewire exclaimed, rubbing her belly

"Nice work Leslie, you just *had* to get distracted from our mission so you could fill your belly" Supergirl snarked

"hey, that was a good comeback, kiddo. I see you got some training from your big sister" Livewire grinned

"wow. Nice to know I'm being added into your weird conversation" Alex deadpanned

"what the hell kind of a mission is this? All we're doing is standing and talking" Helga complained

"yup. That's all we've done in the past 5 episodes" Supergirl commented

"True dat, yo" Livewire quipped

"hey I have a question" Bethany said

"does it have anything to do with this situation?" Helga asks

"well…." Bethany started

"Hoo boy, The Pope's a goner" Livewire groaned, slapping her forehead

"oh come on, we must accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative…" Kelly sang

"Unless you're about to sing a Peggy Lee song, I'd stop right there" Helga quickly said

"Ooh! Where? I wanna get her autograph" Supergirl said excitedly

"Kara, Kara, Kara; look at me; she's been dead for a hundred years" Helga explained

"…Oh" Kara said

 **Later…**

"wow guys, this cannoli sandwich really is delicious" Supergirl exclaimed, munching on a loaf of bread

"Kara, sweetie, you're eating a breadstick! We had a cannoli for lunch" Helga explained

"ugh, I cant stand this godawful smell of cigars in this hotel" Aela complained

"hey, hey, hey! Let's not forget why we're here; we're here to save His Holiness from one of us" Livewire said

"um Leslie, this time The Pope is a she. Oh and she's old. Like really, Reeaaaalllly old. Almost Old Mother Hubbard old. By the way, where's Supergirl?" Kelly asked

"I'm right here silly goose" Supergirl giggled, ruffling Kelly's hair playfully

"oh yeah. Gee I kinda have the feeling we forgot something" Kelly said, burrowing her eyebrows

"by the way boss lady, who'd you leave in charge of the hotel?" Nyssa asks

"um, I left Westmoreland and Campbell in charge" Helga said

"you telling me you left those two blockheads in charge? They're so incompetent and lazy…" Lydia says

 **Back at Hotel Lez…**

"Dear Guys; we left to Italy to stop Evy from assassinating The Pope. We left Westmoreland and Campbell in charge. We should be back in less than a few days or weeks depending on filler of course. By the way; STAY OUT OF THE MINIBARS. That includes you Shego

Signed,

Helga

PS- please get rid of all the red kryptonite before we get home" said Jean

"Wow, they're gonna save The Pope? That's awesome! Hoo-de-hoo!" Kitty cheers

"Ladies, ladies! This could be dangerous! We gotta go to Italy and help them" Jean says

"that's right. Italy is filled with mobsters, hoods, thieves, terrorists, scumbags, all that stuff…" Dazzler says

"Hmmm… we should go talk to Dr. Lara about getting some good equipment before we go" Maya said

"yeah, Maya's right. Ok Ancksunamun, you and the rest stay here and guard the hotel until we get back. Everyone else, you're with me. We're gonna stop a major assassination" Jean ordered

"um… who's the new Pope?" Big Barda asked

"oh yeah… that'd be Granny Goodness" Maya said nonchalantly

"wait… Vault Hunting Siren say WHAAAATTT?" Volcana exclaimed

"gee, you really ARE Livewire's girlfriend" Kaylee commented

 **Meanwhile, back in Italy…**

"So… how in the hell did Granny Goodness of ALL people become The Pope?" Kelly asked curiously

"To be honest, I have no idea anyway" Helga said calmly

"Hmmm… maybe she bribed The Vatican" Nyssa said, making a theory

"Oh please don't be ridiculous. This is a comedy, not CSI" Helga scoffed

"Unless…" Aurora said

"wait, what? Do you have a theory?" Cinderella asked

"nah, I always wanted to say unless in a very serious situation" Aurora chuckled sheepishly

"so… um, Whaddya wanna do now?" Supergirl asked, wearing her jammies

"I just wanna lay around and do absolutely nothin" Idrial grumbled

"are you kidding me? All in the past 5 chapters/episodes, that's all we've been doing" Kelly gasps

"…oh yeah right" Holli said, understanding

"Look! There's Evy!" Livewire gasped, finding Evy sleeping on the floor

"rise and shine, desperado" Helga cooed, waking Evy up

"hmmm… I had the weirdest dream…" Evy yawned, waking up

"yeah, you dreamed you was an assassin and tried to kill The Pope" Rogue said

"well it ain't a dream no more, cupcake" Helga snarked

"you mean… I'm out in Italy? How the hell did I afford all the money?" Evy asked

"um… you stole all of Aria's piggy bank money" Rikke said

"ah, say no more" Helga sighs

"I didn't even know we had a piggy bank" Spencer said

"oh hi Spencer, hey Paige, how'd you find us here?" Kelly asks

"oh it's real easy: we followed your Twitter homepage" Paige answered

"lemme guess you got my MeTube account?" Livewire asks

"yup" Paige answered

"oh you're so smart, such a little miss smarty-pants" Aria snarked

"FOOOOUUNNND YOOOOUUUU" Westmoreland and Campbell announced, barging in with half of the Hotel Lez gang

"what in the… I told you numbskulls to guard the hotel" Helga griped

"we thought y'all was in trouble" Tiana said

"Oh… turns Evy was sleeptalking about assassinating The Pope" Helga said just before sirens rang out

"HALT! YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST" a policeman announced

"uh-oh" Helga gulped

"COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP" the policeman said

"um… permission to retaliate?" Supergirl asked nervously

"yes" Helga answered

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH" Supergirl screamed, wailing like a hysterical woman

"oh my god, really? THAT's what you call retaliating?" Helga said, slapping her forehead

" **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	8. Random Part 4

**Hotel Lez**

 **Chapter 7**

 **Helga: Hotel Lez is filmed in front of a live studio audience**

 ***theme music starts***

"so we ditched the cops and now we're all wanted fugitives for supposedly shooting and killing The Pope?" Supergirl asked

"in a nutshell yes" Livewire grunted, driving like a maniac in the getaway car

"we just ran over a few nuns" Alex said

"eh, just relax. They were pretty much gonna go anyway" Livewire shrugged, before a Mercedes cut her off

"AW, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOIN, YOU LAMEASS" Livewire hollered, shaking her fist out the window

"um, Leslie, honey, stay on the road" Volcana said nervously

"sure thing babe. By the way, are you sweating lava beads again?" Livewire asked

"uh…" Volcana started sheepishly

"great. Now not only am I gonna be charged for having us get away with murder, I now have to add motor insurance to my long list of complaints" Livewire grumbled

"hey look! A clergyman! Let's give him a lift" Bethany said excitedly

"EEYAAAAAHHHH! HE GOT A GUN" Storm screamed

"DRIVE, LESLIE, DRIVE" Helga hollered, Livewire flooring the gas pedal

"Ouchies…" Supergirl moaned, hitting the main window

"Kara! Kara, honey, are you alright?" Alex asked

"Yeah I… I just boinked my head" Supergirl giggled before passing out, snoring softly

"well Kara's out of commission for now. Now what?" Livewire asked, ducking as gunfire burst through the window

"now they're shooting at us! This is just embarrassing" Wonder Girl griped

"ok ladies, cover your ears" Helga ordered, tossing a grenade at the enemy cars

"BOOM! Shakalaka" Livewire exclaimed for effect

"yup, what'd I tell you? A running gag" Helga said to the readers

 **THIS IS AN IMPORTANT RKO RADIO NEWS BULLETIN; THE NEWLY ELECTED POPE HAS BEEN SHOT AND KILLED BY A GROUP OF 10 TO 30 WOMEN FROM AMERICA. THEY WERE LAST SEEN DRIVING OUT OF VENICE IN A CADILLAC. SUSPECTS ARE ALL ARMED AND EXTREMELY DANGEROUS**

"YAY! We're on the radio now! We're famous" Supergirl cheered

"no Kara, no time for woohooing. This is serious. We need to find the dirtbag who framed us" Helga said

"Yeah! And we gotta get back to the hotel for our shuffleboard tournament" Livewire added

"and bake my famed homemade chocolate cookie dough brownies" Volcana chimed in

"and finish watching The L Word on Netflix" Huntress piped up

 **The next day…**

"ok here's where the police say The Pope was killed. Let's go investigate" Helga whispered softly, her and the girls sneaking into the church

"sneak, sneak, sneak…" Supergirl chanted softly, everyone staring at her

"oops" Supergirl gulped

"shhhh…" everyone shushed her

"KK" Supergirl replied, laying down and going to sleep

"not that shhhh you idiot" Alex hissed

"aww look she's dreaming…" Helga cooed as Supergirl snoozed

Madison:

 _I've seen you twice_

 _In a short time_

 _Only a week since we started_

 _It seems to me_

 _For every time_

 _I'm getting more open hearted_

Supergirl:

 _I was a slight impossible case_

 _No one ever could reach me_

 _But I think I can see in your face_

 _There's a lot you can teach me_

 _So I wanna know…_

 _What's the name of the game?_

 _Does it mean anything to you?_

 _What's the name of the game?_

 _Can you feel it the way I do?_

 _Tell me please_

' _Cause I have to know_

 _I'm a bashful child_

 _Beginning to grow_

"STOP! STOP SINGING" Livewire hollered

"HALT! THEY'RE THE ONES WHO A-MURDERED THE POPE" a policeman hollered

"Uh-oh" Supergirl gulped nervously

"time to scram" Helga replied, everyone dashing out of the Vatican like madwomen

"way to go, numbnuts! Because of your musical number, we lost our only lead to clearing our names" Misty griped

"wait a sec… are you Misty Day or anime Misty?" Kelly asked

"anime Misty" Misty growled

"ohhh…. I see why Ash divorced you, something about purple…" Kelly trailed off

"BREEEEDIIINNNGGG" Cousin Mel cackled maniacally as she bred a massive herd of Vulpix

"oh no, now some of Brock has gotten into Mel… this just CANT end well" Helga moaned

"oh come on, we gotta accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative…" Supergirl sang melodically

"ok, knock it off with the Peggy Lee references. You wanna get sued?" Helga asked

"no sirree, ma'am. I'd rather be in my pod then be molested by Mary Sues" Supergirl answered truthfully

"good girl, Kara, good girl" Helga said comfortingly

"ugh, look I'm getting pretty sleepy, how's about we all go somewhere nice and quiet to rest?" Jean asked sleepily

"yeah, Jean's right. Jean I wish for a teddy bear, a new set of shoes and some maternity pants" Supergirl asked

"Um, Kara, just because my name's Jean it doesn't mean I'm a genie" Jean said

"aw, phooey" Supergirl pouted

"there, there Kara; when we're back in America, sissy will get you a brand new teddy" Alex said soothingly

"I love you big sis" Kara cooed, hugging Alex close

"I love you too" Alex said, hugging Kara back

 **Later…**

"and once again, we're all sleeping in Kara's bed. Whoop de frigging do" Helga groaned

"mmm… turn off the lights… the alarm hasn't even gone off yet…" Stella whined, tossing and turning

"oy… no, no Ivy… that's MY Nicholas Sparks book…" Batgirl mumbled, snoring

"ok, this is the most weirdest and awkwardest night I've ever had" Helga declared

"um, awkwardest isn't a word" Nyssa said

"WELL IT IS NOW" Helga bellowed

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" everyone shushed her

"wait… did I leave the stove on?" Domino asked

"Domino, honey… please go to bed for all that is sacred and pink and pink" Helga murmured

"so… an Indian, a Frenchman and The Pope are all on a plane…" Livewire starts

"NO! No, no, no, no, no!" Helga barked

"ugh, you're more fun when you're in bed" Livewire griped

"well for your information I AM in bed, so I guess the joke's on you" Helga quipped

"you asking for a pillow fight?" Livewire asked, getting up

"I dunno, areyou?" Helga asked, doing the same

"Ladies first" Livewire snickered, smacking Helga in the face with a pillow

"why, you little…" Helga snickered, both girls squealing with joy

"mmm… please keep it down… I'm having dinner with Elizabeth Taylor…" Kelly mumbled

"Kelly! Liz Taylor's been dead for a million bazillion years" Nyssa gasped

"I know baby, I referred to Lindsay Lohan's portrayal of Liz Taylor" Kelly said

"…oh" everyone said

 **The next morning…**

"good news! Our names have been cleared" Stella announced on the flight back to the USA

"don't tell me: you sleepwalked back to The Vatican, scared the hell outta the culprits, beat the crap outta them, then showed 'em to the cops so they knew it was them all the time" Helga spoke nonchalantly, sipping her coffee

"um Helga, that's decaffeinated coffee" Kelly whispered, Helga immediately closing her eyes and snoring softly

"Hehehehe" Kelly and Nyssa giggled playfully

 **Back at Hotel Lez…**

"Kelly… we're home" Helga announced, Kelly gargling like a certain Wookie from Star Wars

"so how was Italy?" Eris asked, Supergirl answering in fluent Italian

"wait, what the? Kara can speak ITALIAN?" Helga gasped

"Mama Mia! Alex-a! We're-a out of-a lasagna" Supergirl gasped, dressed in red overalls

"ugh, I'll-a stop-a by the pawn shop" moaned Alex dressed in green overalls

"huh. I never thought they liked Mario" Livewire commented

"well apart from it being the most toughest platform game in the history of the entire world…" Aela trails off

 **Later…**

"and lo and behold another running gag is born…" Helga moans as she's stuck with everyone sleeping in Kara's bed

"mmm… teddy…" Supergirl said childishly, hugging her teddy bear

"Ohhh…ooh…yes right there…mmm" Nyssa moaned sexily

 **The next morning…**

"what the hey is this?" Android 18 asked as she saw the large blob on her plate

"it's rigatoni. Made from Italy" Supergirl said, dressed as a female Chef Boyardee

"ok Kara, I think you're taking this Italian thing a little too far…" Helga started

"ay! What's it a matter to you, eh?" Supergirl barked, gibbering in Italian

"…ooh my, someone's been brushing up on Italian school" Carmelita exclaimed

"Ello, Ello, allo! What's all this then, eh?" Neyla said in her Cockney accent, smoking her bubble pipe

"ok Neyla, you better pray to St. George that pipe of yours doesn't leave stains on my $4,000 carpet" Helga warned

"how much of this hotel do you own, anyway?" Kelly asked

"Kelly look at me, look at me: I. Can…buy…ANYTHING" Helga said

"ANYTHING?" Kelly asked excitedly

"Anything" Helga answered, winking at her

"Wow" Jean said, digging into her escargot

"Jean, you do realize you just ate my snail escargot, right?" Helga asked

"oh yes, I'm a very adventurous sort in fine dining" Jean said before drinking down her goblet of OJ juice

"how are you liking your Birdo Surprise, Shego?" Rikke asked Shego as she and Kim hungrily devoured the thing

"mm-mmm, it is dee-licious" Kim said exuberantly, belching loudly

"ulp… I'm stuffed like Monstro" Aela grumbled

"same here. I reeealllyyy need to workout" Morrigan agreed

"well good news: we got the gym right here" Giganta said, dragging a protesting Aela and Morrigan into the gym

"…uh…" Supergirl started, lost in thought

"Kara? Kara, honey" Alex said, snapping her fingers, Kara snapping out of her daze

"huh? Sorry, I was talking to the voices in my head" Kara explained quirkily

"Kara, I will never, ever understand you" Helga declared, raising her goblet

"Hehehehehe hehe…" Crysta giggled maniacally as Ariel and Thumbelina restrained her

"what in heaven's name happened to her?" Helga asked, alarmed

"WAAAAHHH" Padme wailed like I Love Lucy

"oh now what's up with you?" Helga asked

"Anakin told me he's gay and that he's in love with Obi-Wan" Padme sniffled

"little Jedi lover girl SAY WHAAAAATTTTT?" Livewire gasped loudly

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	9. Random Part 5Announcements

**Hotel Lez**

 **Chapter 8**

 **Kelly: Hotel Lez is filmed in front of a live studio audience**

"I never thought Ani was gay" Livewire said to the Hotel gang in the lounge

"Yeah. Especially since him and Obi-Wan were last seen snogging at the guys' bar" Helga replied

"Hey. How's Padme doing?" Alex asked, sitting down

"She's not doing well. She's been in the beauty room crying for Argentina" Livewire said

"poor Padme, she didn't deserve this…" Supergirl said

"look, Padme's pretty devastated, I think we need to do something to cheer her up" Jean said

"That's a good idea" Supergirl added

"Hmmm… what's her favorite brand of wine?" Helga thought

"uh, no thanks sugar. I'm taking a break from wine for a while" Moxxi groaned

"I wasn't talking about you silly, I was talking about Padme" Helga corrected

"Oh, right…" Moxxi said, giggling lewdly

"hey guys" Kaylee said happily, bringing in the pizzas

"ooh goodie, dinnertime!" Supergirl cheered, Alex tying a napkin around Kara's neck

"well ladies, let us all pray before we eat" Helga said, everyone holding hands

"…and in your devoted honored name, we salute you. V8" Helga finished

"V8" everyone repeated as they all clinked their goblets together

"Mm-mmm, this pizza is soo heavenly!" Odette gushed happily

"Mmmm! You really should try the breadsticks" Stella said through a mouthful

"aww hey there you are, you're just in time for dinner" Helga said cheerfully as a forlorn Padme walked in

"Anakin loved pizza when he and I were married… now he likes cosmotinians and visiting Mykonos" Padme whined

"look sweetie, just take your mind off of him, sit down and have a slice of food heaven…" Supergirl said comfortingly

"ohhh thank you Kara, you're so very nice" Padme said gratefully

"I'm one of a kind" Supergirl said cheerfully

 **The next morning…**

"hey, what's with all the people outside the hotel?" Livewire asked Helga

"oh Padme's auctioning off all of Anakin's things so she can live here with us" Helga answered, braiding her hair

"well if that isn't a way to spruce up business, I sure as hell don't know what else is" Livewire commented

"mmm… I dreamed I was the Nutcracker" Jean said girlishly to everyone at breakfast

"I never thought the Rat King was allergic to cheese" Black Canary commented naively

"yeah and I didn't know the Sugarplums lived in Piscataway" Kelly said

"what's a Piscataway?" Supergirl asked curiously

"it's a town in New Jersey" Clover answered

"um, Helga? Don't you think we should do something fun with Padme now that her ex-husband's now a banana crammer?" Livewire asked

"I do think so indeed Leslie, thanks for reminding me" Helga said thankfully, brewing herself some coffee

"mmm… I love this coffee…" Supergirl hummed in happiness

"Kara, sweetie… that's decaf coffee you're drinking" Helga said

"mmm…" Kara moaned, dropping to the floor, snoozing softly

"wow! I don't know what Rikke put in these cinnamon rolls, but they're definitely a treat" Maya exclaimed

"well I'm always happy to hear you girls complimenting me on my culinary skills" Rikke said warmly

 **Later that same day…**

"And here we are again…" Helga said, crammed in Kara's bed with everyone sleeping in it

"ZZZZZ…" Supergirl snored softly, floating over the bed in mid-air

"You didn't tell me Kara could sleep in mid-air" Aela hissed

"Hrrmmm…. You didn't ask" Alex mumbled, turning on her side

"oof! Aurora, quit kicking me" Cinderella griped as Aurora tossed and turned in bed

"Hmmm… yeah, yeah right there… ooh Ivy… that… hmm, that feels so good…" Batgirl giggled in her sleep

"wow. I never knew Babs was this kinky in bed" Helga remarked

"SHHHHHHH" everyone shushed

"Sorry" Helga whispered sheepishly

"Mmm… everything's alright, everything's alright, yes, everything's fine…" Supergirl mumbled

Livewire:

 _Woman_

 _Your fine ointment brand new and expensive_

 _Should have been saved for the poor_

 _Why has it been wasted?_

 _We could've raised maybe three hundred silver pieces or more_

 _People who are hungry_

 _Yes People who are starving_

 _Matter more_

 _Than your feet and HAAAAAIRRRR_

Helga:

 _Try not to get worried_

 _Try not to turn onto_

 _Problems that upset you_

 _Don't you know_

 _Everything's alright_

 _Yes_

 _Everything's alright yes_

Supergirl:

 _Surely you're not saying_

 _We have the resources_

 _To save the poor from their lot?_

 _There will be more always pathetically struggling_

 _Look at the good things you've got_

 _Think while you still have me_

 _Move while you still see me_

 _You'll be lost_

 _You'll be so sorry_

 _When I'm GOOOONNNEEEE_

 **The next morning…**

Alex:

 _I'm alright_

 _Don't nobody worry about me_

 _Why you gotta gimme a fight_

 _Just let me be_

 _I'm all right_

 _Don't nobody worry about me_

 _Why u gotta gimme a fight_

 _Just let me be_

Supergirl:

 _Why should I worry?_

 _Why should I care?_

Livewire:

 _Has he lost his mind?_

 _Can he see or is he blind_

 _Can he walk and talk_

 _Or if he moves_

 _Will he fall?_

 _Is he live or dead?_

 _Has he thoughts within his head?_

 _We should pass him there_

 _Why should we even care?_

Batgirl:

 _Nobody wants him_

 _He just stares at the world_

 _Nobody needs him_

 _He'll just let the world unfurl_

Neyla:

 _I've been dead before_

 _But always hit the floor_

 _I've spent a lifetime running_

 _And I always get away_

 _But with you I'm feeling somethin_

 _That makes me wanna stay_

 _I'm prepared for this_

 _I never shoot to miss_

 _But I feel like a storm is coming_

 _If I'm gonna make it through the day_

 _There's no more use in running_

 _This is somethin I gotta face_

 _If I risk it all_

 _Could you break my fall?_

 _How do I live?_

 _How do I breathe?_

 _When you're not here_

 _I feel like I'm suffocating_

 _I wanna feel love_

 _Run through my blood_

 _Tell me is this where I give it all up?_

 _For you… I have to risk it all_

' _cause the writing's on the wall_

"and cut! We have it" Helga announced in the director's chair

 **NOW AVAILABLE FROM HOTEL LEZ RECORDS**

 **HOTEL LEZ GIRLS SING SONGS OF THE DECADES**

 **20S, 30S, 40S, 50S AND MORE**

 **ALL IN GLORIOUS 1080 HIGH DEFINITION**

 **AVAILABLE NOW FOR $34, 25 £ and 13 €**

 **COMING SOON**

 **DON'T MISS…**

 **A NIGHT WITH CONSTABLE NEYLA**

 **SEE HOTEL LEZ'S MYSTIFYING BRITISH FELINE**

 **SEE HER IMPERSONATE**

 **JANIS JOPLIN**

 **HILLARY CLINTON**

 **MARGARET THATCHER**

 **QUEEN ELIZABETH II**

 **AND MORE**

 **PLUS SEE HER DO VENTRILOQUISM, MAGIC ACTS, POETRY, AND MUCH MORE**

 **TICKETS ON SALE NOW FOR $34 AND 55 £**

 **COMING SOON…**

 **DON'T MISS**

 **A NIGHT WITH HELGA**

 **LAUGH YOURSELF SILLY WITH THIS ONE NIGHT ONLY STAND UP PERFORMANCE**

 **BE BEDAZZLED BY HER WIT AND ONE-LINERS**

 **BE MESMERIZED BY HER JOAN COLLINS AND ELIZABETH MONTGOMERY IMPERSONATIONS**

 **BE AROUSED BY HER DYNAMIC TENSION AND EROTIC POETRY**

 **STARTS SUNDAY NIGHT 9:00 SHARP**

 **FOR ONE WHOLE WEEK**

 **LESLIE "LIVEWIRE" WILLIS ON STAGE, UNCENSORED, UNCUT, UNSUPERVISED**

 **SEE THE ELECTRIFYING DIVA LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN HER BEFORE**

 **YOU'LL LAUGH**

 **YOU'LL CHEER**

 **YOU'LL BLUSH**

 **YOU'LL EVEN BLOOM**

 **SO GO BOOM! SHAKALAKA WITH THE SIZZLING NEW COMEDIENNE**

 **COMING FOR EASTER**

 **HOTEL LEZ PROUDLY PRESENTS**

 **THE EASTER EVENT OF THE YEAR**

 **PHOENIX CHRIST SUPERSTAR**

 **ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER'S CLASSIC MUSICAL WITH AN EXCITING NEW TWIST**

 **SEE PHOENIX SHINE AND MARVEL AS PHOENIX CHRIST HERSELF**

 **BE AWED AND INSPIRED BY LIVEWIRE'S PORTRAYAL OF JUDAS**

 **YOU'LL LAUGH AND BE AMUSED BY KING CARTMAN**

 **YOU'LL BE TOUCHED AND HEARTWARMED BY HELGA'S PORTRAYAL OF MARY MAGDELENE**

 **AND YOU'LL TAP YOUR FEET TO 23 SHOWSTOPPING SONGS**

 **SEE THE MUSICAL STORY THAT'S BEEN TOLD 1,000 YEARS AGO WITH THE WHOLE FAMILY**

 **COMING SOON**

 **DON'T MISS…**

 **THE PHOENIX OF EGYPT**

 **AN ALL-NEW ALL FEMALE MUSICAL A THOUSAND YEARS IN THE MAKING**

 **BE AMAZED BY PHOENIX'S ROUSING PORTRAYAL OF MOSES**

 **BE STUNNED AND MYSTIFIED BY ERIS' PORTRAYAL AS TZIPPORAH**

 **YOU'LL LOVE TO HATE CIRCE'S PORTRAYAL OF RAMESES**

 **YOUR HEART WILL BE WARMED AND TOUCHED BY KELLY AS MIRIAM**

 **YOU'LL LOVE AND ENJOY SUPERGIRL AS AARON**

 **AND YOU'LL FEEL REBORN WITH HELGA AS THE VOICE OF GOD**

 **PLUS TEN HEARTWARMING, TOE TAPPING SONGS**

 **AND RIP ROARING MUSIC FROM COMA DOOF WARRIOR AND THE WARRIORETTES**

 **WINNER OF SEVEN ACADEMY AWARDS**

 **INCLUDING BEST DIRECTOR- HELGA K SINCLAIR**

 **BEST ACTOR KELLY CHAMBERS**

 **AND BEST NEWCOMER ACTOR VALERIE "VOLCANA" VASQUEZ**

 **VOLCANA**

" **THE BEST ALL-GIRL MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN"- COMMANDER SHEPARD**

" **TWO THUMBS UP"- VANESSA KIMBALL**

" **KELLY REALLY SHINES IN HER STEAMY DEBUT"- MYSTIQUE**

" **I LAUGHED, I CHEERED, I CRIED, I ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE OF IT"- HAWKGIRL**

" **YOU'LL HAVE A HELL LAVA GOOD RIDE"- TALON**

" **SIZZLING, SPICY AND STRONG"- THERESA RUSSO**

" **BEST. DISASTER. MOVIE. EVER"- POISON IVY**

 **VOLCANA**

 **THE COAST CAN BE TOAST AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN**

 **BUY IT TODAY**

 **SEE THE NEW HORROR FILM THAT HAS AN ALL NEW HOWL**

" **IT'S SCARY AND WILDLY ENTERTAINING"- FIRE**

" **HORRIFYINGLY FUNNY"- ICE**

" **TWO PAWS UP"- NALA AND VITANI**

" **HELGA SINCLAIR IS A GENIUS, AELA DEVOURS THE SCENERY AND LESLIE IS A REAL HOWL"- ARIA**

 **AN AMERICAN SHE-WOLF IN LONDON**

 **NOW PLAYING**

 **RATED R**

 **CHECK YOUR LOCAL PAPERS AND RADIO FOR LISTINGS AND SHOWTIMES**


	10. Musical Chapter Part 2

**Hotel Lez**

 **Chapter 9**

 **Supergirl: Hotel Lez has been written and filmed in front of a live studio audience**

 ***theme music***

 **Livewire:**

 **Roses are red**

 **And violets are blue**

 **One day we'll cruise**

 **Down Blood Gulch Avenue**

 **It's red versus red**

 **And blue versus blue**

 **It's I against I**

 **And me against you…**

 **Supergirl:**

 **Violets are blue**

 **Roses are red**

 **Livin' like this**

 **We are already dead**

 **Hop in my car**

 **It don't have any doors**

 **It's built like a cat**

 **It lands on all fours**

 **My car's like a puma**

 **It drives on all fours**

"and Print!" Helga announced, the bell ringing in the recording studio

"wow, Kara, that was really shiny and chrome! You might wanna work a bit more on the vocals" Leslie said warmly

"ok. Thanks Leslie" Supergirl said, giving Livewire a hug as they exited the studio

"OMG! Guys, guys, guys!" Jean hollered, dashing in

"slow down Jean, what's the matter? Did Kelly get her head stuck in the fridge again?" Zatanna asked worriedly

"no guys, I've learned my lesson now" Kelly said, giggling

"Donald Trump is coming to town for his GOP debate" Jean announced

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Supergirl screamed in horror

"Kara, Kara, KARA! It's ok! It's OHHH MY GODDD. YAAAAAAHHHH" Helga shrieked in horror

 **One screaming session later…**

"Phew… oh my, phew… that… felt really good…" Kelly said in exhaustion, holding an icepack to her head

"tell me about it" Helga moaned, rubbing her sore forehead

"mmm… where's the pot of gold, Mr. Leprechaun?" Supergirl mumbled in her sleep, turning on her side

"she's dreaming about that Lucky Charms guy again" Alex explained to the others

"ah…" everyone said

"Kara hit her head when she came to Earth as a baby" Alex continued

"hey! Just like Goku in Dragon Ball Z" Kelly gasped

"very good Kelly. So yeah Kara has slight brain damage and is very, very, very, VERY gullible so that's why I gotta be around her at all times and keep her out of trouble" Alex finished

"well I think that's being a very good big sister" Helga commented

"mmm…" Supergirl moaned, waking up

"hey buttercup. Did you have a good nap?" Alex asked, giving Kara a Reese's peanut butter cup

"mm-hmm" Kara answered, eating her candy

"So… I heard a rumor going around that Donald Trump is coming to Calitoonia for his GOP debate" Crysta said

"Yup, that's what we heard" Alex said as Kara drank her milk bottle

"Urp. Excuse me" Kara said innocently

"You're excused sweetie" Alex cooed, kissing her sister's forehead

"Can we go to the arcade now Alex? Please?" Supergirl asked sweetly

"Ok, sure we can. After that we gotta come home and do your homework, ok?" Alex said

"KK" Supergirl said cheerfully

"Have fun you guys. Say hi to Betty and Veronica for me" Helga called

"Isn't it so sweet how Alex and Kara get along so well? Kinda reminds me of me and my sis Ariana" Miranda commented

"Yup, it sure is" Jack said, taking a sip of her coffee

"Ok so what now?" Jean asked, putting away her iPad

"Um… wanna go play water polo?" Helga offered

"oh you're on" Jean grinned, everyone changing into their swimsuits

 **One fun for all game of water polo later…**

"hey, we're back" Alex announced, carrying a sleeping Kara in her arms

"hey you two! Sounds like you had fun" Helga said

"yeah. Kara fell asleep after dinner" Alex said, patting Kara on the back as she snored softly

"ugh… why is she stuck to your shirt?" Helga grunted

"Cotton candy and fruit punch" Alex explained

"ok, say no more" Helga deadpanned as Alex walked up the stairs to her room with Kara

"ohhh my… what a bright sun-shiny day" Blond Pinner remarked, tanning in the beach room

"Isn't that the truth, honey" Ms. Submission commented, taking a sip of her Pina colada

"what up, ladies?" Livewire said, sitting next to them in her beach chair

"hey Leslie" Blonde Pinner said happily

"how's it goin?" Livewire asked

"eh, same old, same old" Alex replied, lounging in her Jacuzzi

"Zzzzzz…" Kara snoozed softly in the Jacuzzi

"oy vey, not again…" Alex moaned, scooping Kara up and walking out

"wow, guess she's supersleepy then, huh?" Kelly joked, everyone cracking up

"that is pretty funny Kelly" Alex commented, giggling a bit

 **One brief bout of zippy one-liners later…**

"ahoy there! This must be the Hotel Lez, yeah?" asked a red-haired young woman dressed in a pirate outfit

"um… yes, ma'am it is. Can I help you?" Helga asked nervously

"oh come now, love, I'm not here to pillage and plunder. Oh goodness me, where are my manners? I'm Captain Scarlett, at your service" Scarlett said, doing a polite curtsy

"well it's nice to meet you. I'm Helga Sinclair, I'm the manager and owner of this hotel. Have you come to move in with us?" Helga asked

"that is correct. Would your bellgirls be kind enough to help bring in me luggage?" Scarlett asked, signing her name into the logbook

"of course" Helga answered, summoning Westmoreland and Campbell to bring in Scarlett's luggage

"wow! A pirate ship!" Supergirl gasped excitedly

"ah, you must be Supergirl, yeah? I've heard many a few things about you" Scarlett said warmly

"my big sis says I'm not allowed to talk to strangers" Kara said, Alex patting her head

"it's ok Kara, she's a new resident here. Don't be shy, say hello" Alex said, giving Kara a comforting nudge

"I'm Scarlett, former pirate now entrepreneur" Scarlett said, her and Supergirl shaking hands

"And I'm Alex, Kara's big sister and legal guardian" Alex said, hugging Kara close

"Awww, so you're like Kara's mum, yeah? Whatever happened to Mr. and Mrs. Danvers?" Scarlett asked

"Drowned" Kara said

"oh dear me, I'm so very sorry to hear that…" Scarlett said pleasantly

"you wouldn't believe how many social home workers came in here and how many I had to shoo out" Helga piped up

"so… after a lengthy courtroom case, I got my baby sis added to my custody" Alex finished, Kara sleeping in her arms

"that is so wonderful" Scarlett exclaimed, taking a sip of her tea

"come on girls, it's time for Family Feud" Livewire announced

 **Later that night…**

"whatcha reading, sis?" Kara asked Alex in bed

"Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" Alex answered

"ok, I'm going to bed" Kara yawned, closing her eyes

"ohhh Lauren, that was the best you know what I ever had" Bo exhaled happily next to her wife

"yeah, me too" Lauren purred, both lovers kissing until they fell asleep

"hey sweetie, you're lookin' lovely tonight" Idrial purred to her lover Arwen

"why thank you honey bear, so do you" Arwen said sexily, both nodding off

"ok, I'm goin' to bed. Wake me up when it's over" Helga yawned, laying down

"k, night-night babe, I love you" Maggie cooed, kissing Renee

"nighty-night sweetie, love you too" Renee cooed, going to sleep

 **The next day…**

Supergirl:

 **Why waste your breath, moaning at the crowds?**

 **Nothing can be done to stop the shouting**

 **If every tongue was still, the noise would still continue**

 **The rocks and stones themselves**

 **Would rise and sing…**

"Kara, are you singing JCS songs in the shower again?" Alex asked through the bathroom

"Gee, how'd you guess?" Kara asked

"I heard you across the hall" Alex replied, Kara giggling

Poison Ivy:

 **Listen to that howling mob of blockheads in the street**

 **A trick or two with lepers**

 **And the whole town's on its feet**

Cheyenne, Ren, Ariel, Jean:

 **He is dangerous**

Chorus:

 **Jesus Christ Superstar**

Cheyenne and others:

 **He is dangerous**

Chorus:

 **Tell us that you're who they say you are**

Crysta:

 **That man is in town right now to whip up some support**

Poison Ivy:

 **A rabble rousing mission that I think we must abort**

All:

 **He is dangerous**

Chorus:

 **Jesus Christ Superstar**

All:

 **He is dangerous**

Elsa:

 **Look Caiaphas, they're right outside our yard**

Chelsea:

 **Quick Caiaphas, go call the Roman Guard**

Helga:

 **No wait! We need a more permanent solution to our problem**

Poison Ivy:

 **What then to do about Jesus of Nazareth?**

 **Miracle, wonder man, hero of fools?**

Livewire:

 **No riots, no armies, no fighting, no slogans?**

Helga:

 **One thing I'll say for him, Jesus is good**

Supergirl:

 **We dare not leave him to his own devices**

 **His half-witted fans will get outta control**

Crysta:

 **But how can we stop him?**

 **His glamour increases**

Dana:

 **By leaps every minute**

Kimberly:

 **He's top of the poll**

Helga:

 **I see bad things arising**

 **The crowd crown him king which the Romans would ban**

 **I see blood and destruction**

 **Our elimination because of one man**

 **Blood and destruction because of one man**

All:

 **Because**

 **Because**

 **Because of one man**

Helga:

 **Our elimination because of one man**

All:

 **Because**

 **Because**

 **Because of one**

 **Cause of one**

 **Cause of one man**

Crysta:

 **What then to do about this Jesus mania?**

Batwoman:

 **Now how do we deal with this carpenter king?**

Huntress:

 **Where do we start with someone who is bigger?**

Aela:

 **Like John was when John did his baptism thing?**

Helga:

 **FOOLS! You have no perception**

 **The stakes we are gambling**

 **Are frighteningly high**

 **We must crush him completely**

 **So like John before him**

 **This Jesus Must Die!**

 **For the sake of the nation**

 **This Jesus Must Die**

All:

 **Must die, must die**

 **This Jesus Must Die**

Helga:

 **So like John before him**

 **This Jesus Must Die**

Helga and all:

 **Must die, must die**

 **This Jesus must,**

 **Jesus must,**

 **Jesus must,**

 **Jesus must…**

 **Die**


	11. New Random Chapter

**Hotel Lez**

 **Chapter 11**

 **Aveline: Hotel Lez is filmed and written in front of a live studio audience**

 ***rock music***

 **Supergirl:**

 **It's astounding**

 **Time is fleeting**

 **Madness…**

 **Takes its toll**

 **But listen closely**

 **Alex:**

 **Not for very much longer**

 **Supergirl:**

 **I've got to keep control**

 **I REMEMBER**

 **DOING THE TIME WARP**

 **DRINKING THOSE MOMENTS WHEN**

 **THE BLACKNESS WOULD HIT ME**

 **AND THE VOID WOULD BE CALLING**

 **Chorus:**

 **LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN**

 **LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN**

 **Helga:**

 **It's just a jump to the left**

 **Chorus:**

 **AND THEN A STEP TO THE RIGHT**

 **Helga:**

 **Put your hands on your hips**

 **Chorus:**

 **BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIGHT**

 **BUT IT'S THE PELVIC THRUST**

 **THAT REALLY DRIVES YOU INSANE**

 **LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN**

 **LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN**

 **Alex:**

 **It's so dreamy**

 **Oh, fantasy free me**

 **So you can't see me**

 **No, not at all**

 **In another dimension**

 **With voyeuristic intention**

 **Well secluded, I see all**

 **Supergirl:**

 **With a bit of a mind flip…**

 **Alex:**

 **You're into the time slip**

 **And nothing can ever be the same**

 **You're spaced out on sensation**

 **Supergirl & Alex:**

 **LIKE YOU'RE UNDER SEDATION**

 **Chorus:**

 **LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN**

 **LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN**

 **Helga:**

 **It's just a jump to the left**

 **Chorus:**

 **AND THEN A STEP TO THE RIGHT**

 **Helga:**

 **With your hands on your hips**

 **Chorus:**

 **YOU BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIGHT**

 **BUT IT'S THE PELVIC THRUST**

 **THAT REALLY DRIVES YOU INSANE**

 **LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN**

 **LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN**

 **Zatanna:**

 **Well I was walkin down the street**

 **Just having a think**

 **When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink**

 **He shook me up and took me by surprise**

 **He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes**

 **He stared at me and I felt a change**

 **Time meant nothin, never would again**

 **Chorus:**

 **LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN**

 **LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN**

 ***Zatanna does tap dance***

 **Chorus:**

 **LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN**

 **LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN**

 **Helga:**

 **ITS JUST A JUMP TO THE LEFT**

 **Chorus:**

 **AND THEN A STEP TO THE RIGHT**

 **Helga:**

 **WITH YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HIPS**

 **Helga and Chorus:**

 **YOU BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIGHT**

 **BUT IT'S THE PELVIC THRUST**

 **THAT REALLY DRIVES YOU INSANE**

 **LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN**

 **LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN**

 **One RHPS musical number later…**

"What the hell was that?" Alex said

"and cue intro" Supergirl announced

"wait, what?" Alex said

 **Cue Full House like intro with really cheesy 80s music**

 **HOTEL LEZ**

 **Starring KELLY CHAMBERS**

 ***Kelly gives a smile at the camera***

 **SUPERGIRL**

 ***Supergirl turns and winks at the camera***

 **LIVEWIRE**

 ***Livewire blows a kiss at the camera***

 **MAYA**

 ***Maya grins proudly at the camera***

 **LILITH**

 ***Lilith is doing laundry and smiles at the camera***

 **WESTMORELAND AND CAMPBELL**

 ***both are at the receptionist desk and wave at the camera***

 **ALEX DANVERS**

 ***Alex smiles and blows a kiss at the camera***

 **ODETTE**

 ***Odette does a curtsy***

 **EVADORA**

 ***Evadora waves hi at the camera***

 **JEAN GREY**

 ***Jean winks at the camera***

 **NYSSA AL GHUL**

 ***Nyssa smiles at the camera***

 **CRYSTA**

 ***Crysta opens the door and smiles at the camera***

 **THUMBELINA**

 ***Thumbelina waves hi***

 **CHLOE DANCER**

 ***Chloe opens the door and says hi***

 **POTEMA THE WOLF QUEEN**

 ***Potema gives the camera a bow***

 **The HOTEL LEZ GANG**

 **With ERIS THE GODDESS OF CHAOS**

 ***Eris gives a shushing sound to the camera***

 **And HELGA SINCLAIR**

 ***Helga smiles and winks at the camera***

 **Created by MR. BRAM STOKER**

 **Today's Episode: "RANDOM EPISODE"**

"guys? Don't you think it's weird we're all being filmed live on national television?" Alex asked, saying her first line

"hi Mom, hi Dad! I'm on TV! Winn, tell Cat she owes me $30 for getting the main cast bit" Supergirl shouted to the camera

"Kara, sweetie, can you settle down?" Helga said calmly just before Livewire appeared

"BOOMMM! Shakalaka" Livewire exclaimed, the audience cheering loudly, doing a standing ovation

"you like me? You really, really like me? I wanna thank everyone at , I wanna think my BFF Demi Lovato for capturing and voicing my likeness, ooh I also wanna thank my BFF Lori Petty for doing me in the animated series oh yeah and you guys at CBS- you all can kiss my great all-American meta ass! Thank you, thank you so very much" Livewire said, accepting praise from everyone

"…what is she babbling about?" Helga asked

"Helga, don't you get it? We're all in a major TV show. We're filmed live across the entire USA" Crysta explained as everyone looked at the camera

"…oh my goodness. I'm on TV. I'm…I'm…" Helga stammered before fainting with a smile on her face

"You ok, boss?" Livewire asked, giving Helga CPR

"GAAAAAHHH" Helga yelled, bolting right up, her hair frizzled

"Thanks Leslie, I needed that" Helga said, not missing a beat

"Eh, it's what I'm here for, I'm the comic relief provider in this series. Also the funny one to your straight woman. The George Costanza to your Seinfeld. The Barney Fife to your Andy Griffith. The Bart to your Homer. The Fonzie to your Richie, the Debra to your…" Livewire went on

"Ok, ok Leslie, we get it" Aveline interrupted

"Damn it, you messed up my first monologue" Livewire growled

"So what's the plot for today's episode?" Alex asked

"According to the script, a lot of random things happen" Supergirl said

"if by random you mean that really cute intro?" Alex asked

"yup" Livewire answered, taking a sip of her root beer

"Leslie! You shouldn't have caffeine for breakfast" Supergirl scolded, giggling

"oh come on Kara, a girl's gotta get her energy somehow" Livewire remarked

"what does that mean, big sis?" Supergirl asked Alex

"I'll tell you when you're a big girl, buttercup. Now…I think it's time for you to take a nap" Alex said, scooping up Kara in her arms

"KK" Kara said innocently, kissing Alex's cheek

"isn't that cute?" Chloe asked

"it sure is" Susan commented

 **Later…**

"wow, talk about chilly out there! One minute its springtime, next minute it's ice cold again" Livewire complained

"oh hello! You must be Livewire, a pleasure to meet you" Sara said nicely, shaking Livewire's hand

"what the? Oh my sweet Stoker, you're those two hot babes from CSI" Livewire gasped

"yup, that's right. I'm Sara, this is my wife Catherine" Sara said, introducing her broad, butch, masculine wife

"a pleasure. Helga Sinclair, I'm the owner, manager and proprietor of this fabulous hotel" Helga said quickly

"oh thank you. And who is this… unusual lady?" Catherine asked, looking at Livewire

"oh! This is Livewire, she's one of the many, many, MANY guests in this hotel" Helga explained

"oh I see now; you're in that rock band Shock and Burn aren't you?" Sara asked

"you got it" Livewire grinned

"Marvelous! My lover and I have been to your concerts" Sara exclaimed

"ooh look at how lovely this is Sam" Alex said, walking in with her lovers Clover and Sam

"ooh new residents" Helga squealed excitedly

"no, no, let me guess; you're the former Totally Spies, right?" Daphne asked

"well, we USED to be. Now we're totally *censored*" Alex said

"what was that?" Helga asked confused

"Censoring, boss. Apparently Mr. Stoker has decided to censor all our fanfics" Livewire piped up

"now who the heck is THIS?" Rikke asked as a brunette dressed in odd out of place clothing came in

"ok, let me guess… you're from New Orleans, right?" Kelly asked

"yes, that's right. I'm Lena, a pleasure to meet you" Lena said in her sexy Southern twang

"uh-oh" Kara and Alex said in unison, apparently recalling the very… odd history of their new guest

"Um…Kelly, would you come here for a minute?" Livewire said, dragging Kelly off to the hall

"what the heck's the matter with YOU?" Kelly asked

"Kelly! Don't you get it! She's that were-cat from that Zombie Island movie" Livewire hissed

"oh Pfft, that was in 1998" Kelly scoffed

"Hey you look familiar, Ms. Lena. Didn't I see you in that zombie island movie?" Jean asked

"Why yes, yes I was. I was doing an acting job" Lena said, everyone freezing and looking at her

"wait a minute… are you telling me you and that creepy old lady you co-starred with are actresses?" Livewire asked

"yes ma'am. Miss Simone died of leukemia recently" Lena said

"oh my, I'm so sorry. You have all our sympathies" Kelly said, giving Lena a comforting hug

"what the? Who the hey are YOU?" Jean asked as a vampire woman came in

"I'm Sibella" Sibella said, showing her gorgeous animated body

"Oh…my…God, you're you-know-who's daughter" Livewire gasped

"You don't mean…" Kelly said

"mm-hmm" Sibella said

"Count…something?" Helga asked nervously

"Dracula" Sibella answered

"uh…" Helga stammered nervously, sweat dripping from her head as Sibella gazed hungrily at Helga's neck

"oh don't be silly, you're too old for me" Sibella said

"WHAT?" Helga said, shocked

"easy, honey, easy, we don't wanna scare away the new customers" Rikke said comfortingly

…

…

"well Batman won after all. Pay up" Maya said, Livewire grumbling something under her breath as she gave Maya $30 credits

"aw nuts" Batwoman snarled in frustration, snapping her fingers

"mmm… morning" Supergirl yawned

"there you are! We thought you were in a coma" Aurora gasped

"it's ok ladies, I was able to wake her up" Alex chimed in

"so… what else is new?" Nyssa asked

"well tonight's the final March Madness game unfortunately" Livewire moaned

"yeah? And what else?" Supergirl asked curiously

"and my bookie Amazing Grace got arrested so I'm comin' up with a plan to bust her out" Livewire added

…

"how exciting!" Supergirl exclaimed cheerfully, not knowing the odd looks everyone was giving her

"what?" Supergirl asked


	12. Money Troubles Part 1

**Hotel Lez**

 **Chapter 12**

 **Alex: Hotel Lez is filmed in front of a live studio audience. Also whoever owns a V8 Interceptor, your parking light's on. Please shut it off as soon as possible**

"so… lemme get this straight… Amazing Grace used to be your bookie until she was arrested for insurance claims and negligence" Diana said as she, Livewire and the Hotel Lez gang were gathered in the pool hall

"yup. Also she was sued $30,000 plus taxes and tip plus shipping and handling for blackmail" Livewire added

"hold on… how the hell can someone be sued $30,000 plus taxes and tip plus shipping and handling for blackmail?" Crysta asked

"it's a long story sweetie" Livewire explained

"now Leslie, considering the fact that we were ALMOST arrested for that little "incident" in Italy; do we really, really, REALLY wanna get thrown back into the line of fire so you can spring your gambling friend out of the slammer?" Helga asked

"Yes. Plus she called earlier saying she claimed dibs on Lucy's room" Livewire added

"When was this?" Nyssa asked

"Eh, about an hour ago" Miranda said

"Oh boy…" Helga moaned, putting her head in her hands

"Now, now, don't worry boss. You got us! We won't let anything go wrong" Supergirl said assuringly  
"that's what worries me the most" Helga said sarcastically

"Ok we go in… tonight" Livewire declared

"WHAT?" everyone gasped

"What? What's happening? Did Lucy come back from the dead?" Dorothy Ann asked

"Oh bad! Oh bad, bad, bad, bad!" Keesha ranted

"Hey, hey, HEY! ZIP IT" Livewire hollered, Dorothy Ann and Keesha instantly shutting up

"My friend Amazing Grace got arrested for false charges so I'm planning an idea to spring her out" Livewire explained

…

"I want in" Keesha said excitedly

"Why?" Helga asked, astounded that a 15-year-old would willingly participate in such a dangerous and law-breaking act

"I'm one hell of a getaway driver. When I was back in New Orleans, I'd participate in all kinds of jobs" Keesha bragged

"…that obviously explains the numerous amounts of bills we received from the correctional institute…" Helga says

"Eh, I gave them a false name. By the way, Marcy's gonna notice a change in her bills" Keesha added

"What did you do?" Helga asked

"Uh-oh" Kara and Alex said in unison

"…you got her arrested, didn't you?" Helga moaned as uniformed cops hauled a kicking and screaming Marcy out of the hotel

"…yup" Keesha answered

"hoo boy…" Helga groaned

"Leslie, cant we do this some other day?" Thumbelina whined

"nope" Livewire said

"uh… why's that?" Lydia asked

"I don't like where this is going…" Helga said

"because Amazing Grace is number one on death row and her execution is tomorrow" Livewire explained

…

"…oh my" Helga gasped

"ok, let's go" Kara ordered

…

"so once again, we're breaking the law and I'm cooperating with a crazed bisexual metahuman and a bunch of other crazies plus I have one drooling on my purse" Helga growled as Supergirl awoke from a short nap

"sorry about that boss" Kara said, wiping off the saliva

"ok Grace is in… that one! Right there" Livewire said, Keesha parking the car

"….is this REALLY necessary? Apart from the fact that I do wanna KEEP my job and OUR hotel?" Helga asked, getting exasperated and worried over this rescue plan

"don't you worry about a thing, boss lady. I know just the two for the job" Livewire declared, everyone staring at a perplexed Kara and Alex

"uh-oh" Kara and Alex both said in unison

…

…

"I cant believe we got ourselves tricked into doin' this" Alex grumbled

"she said she'd give us cake if we listened. Chocolate chip cookie cake. My favorite" Kara said innocently

"Oy…" Alex moaned, concerned about her younger sister's naïve personality

"who the hey are you two?" Grace asked

"oh, we're friends of Livewire. We're here to bust you out" Kara said

"wait, Livewire? Oh it's about darn time she got her ass down here" Grace snapped excitedly

"hmm, I see that Grace and Leslie know each other…" Alex deadpanned

"ok ladies, just lemme handle this and…" Grace said, making a wave of her hands and in a flash, the prison door bars melted away

"wow! Do that again" Kara cheered

"let's get outta here before the fuzz knows I'm loose" Grace whispered as they dashed off

…

…

"see, boss? Absolutely nothing went wrong, like I said it would" Kara said confidently

"Well… you're right" Helga admitted

"And?" Kara asked, hungrily licking her lips

"I know I'm gonna regret this…" Helga said to the camera before facing a wide-eyed Kara staring at her with a beaming smile, licking her chops, her mouth salivating

"you may have the cake" Helga said flatly

"WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Supergirl cheered, flying off to the kitchen in a mad dash

"give her a few minutes…" Rikke said, watching her watch count down before

"URRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPP" Kara belched loudly, patting her satisfied belly

"how… how in…how did…you…" Helga stammered in shock

"I'm faster than a speeding buffet" Kara boasted, Helga just watching in awe as Kara wiped her lips with a napkin

"…wow. She really IS the girl of steel" Crysta said

"um, I think she meant speeding bullet" Thumbelina said

"no, no, honey, I mean speeding buffet. I fight for truth, justice and all-American food" Kara exclaimed

"what the hey happened in there?" Alex asked, worried

"I decided to fight against food haters" Kara said goofily

"WHAT?" everyone gasped

"oh no, this had better NOT have anything to do with that pink fat…" Alex started, before she gasped in horror as Jigglypuff had just finished her song, Kara and the others were deeply asleep and Alex's eyes were starting to get rather heavy

"aw, son of a…" Alex groaned before dropping to the floor, snoring away

…

"Morning sleepyhead" Moxxi said warmly

"uhn… where am I?" Helga moaned, waking up from her Jigglypuff-induced nap

"you're in your room, silly. I also got all your friends in here too" Moxxi added

"oh" Helga said as a snoring and drooling Supergirl was sleeping on her chest

"mmm… huh?" Supergirl gasped, waking up

"ooh… I had the oddest dream we got some girl out of prison…" Helga moaned, rubbing her forehead

"what was that?" Grace asked, a bit offended

"Aah! What the hey are YOU doing here?" Helga gasped

"your friends sprang me out of jail, remember?" Grace reminded

"…oh good lord. This must be a dream within a dream" Helga realized in astonishment

…

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" Helga shouted, waking up in bed with a major scream

"what the hey's the matter with YOU?" Kelly asked

"nothing. Where are we?" Helga asked

"the Hotel Lez" Kelly answered

"what year is it?" Helga asked

"2016" Kelly said

"…oh. Oh thank goodness, it was all just a silly dream" Helga scoffed until she noticed the prison guards in the hallway

…

…

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Helga screamed, waking up

"geez-a-loo! We heard you screaming all the way down the street!" Livewire snapped

"is…is this the hotel?" Helga asked, feeling her sanity starting to fade

"uh-oh…" Kara and Alex said in unison

"boss, I think you're going cuckoo. I think we need to take you to see Dr. Lara" Livewire said, motioning for Crysta and Thumbelina to bound a babbling Helga in a straitjacket and haul her off to Dr. Lara's clinic

"Boom gone. Boom all gone. HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA" Helga laughed maniacally

…

…

"ah, finally it's good to be back" Helga sighed in relief as she relaxed in her hot tub

"hey honey. Nice to see you're sane again" Rikke said warmly, joining her lover in the tub

"yeah. Dr. Lara said it was a side effect from Jigglypuff's sleeping power" Helga explained

"so boss lady's back from the crazy house, eh?" Aveline asked

"oh boss and here's the bill from all our things in Italy" Kelly piped up, Helga reading the bill

"so, Whaddya think boss?" Supergirl asked as Helga fainted

…

…

"uh-oh" Kara and Alex uttered

…

…

…

"we need an accountant, ladies. Someone who's smart, someone who can get things done, someone who doesn't get easily distracted, someone who's determined and brave, someone who…" Helga ranted before Livewire appeared, dressed in an accounting uniform

"ask and you shall receive" Livewire grinned, Helga plunking her head on her desk

"we're screwed, aren't we?" Alex asked Kara

"uh-huh" Kara answered


	13. A New Future

**Hotel Lez**

 **Chapter 13**

 **Neyla: Hotel Lez is filmed in front of a live studio audience. Also there will be free beverages and food during intermission**

"so… Livewire's our new accountant, eh?" Neyla said as she and the Hotel Lez gang were in their hangout spot, namely the lounge room

"yeah. That was the plot twist in yesterday's episode" Supergirl added, taking a bite of her donut

"OMG! Guys! He's coming" Maya shouted excitedly

"Whoa whoa whoa there missy! Who's coming?" Kelly asked

"Darkseid" Maya said ominously

"Uh-oh" Kara and Alex uttered in unison

"That doesn't sound good…" Nyssa uttered

"yeah. Bonus points if Michael Ironside is voicing him again" Alex added

"Wait… how come Metallo didn't get involved?" Ashley complained

"Oh gimme a break, that knockoff of the Terminator?" Hayley scoffed

"he was way cooler in the animated series" Supergirl argued

"that was because Malcolm McDowell voiced him" Miranda said

"That dude from Clockwork Orange?" Shaundi asked

"Uh-huh" Kelly answered

"hmmm… do you think Betty White would be a good choice for Granny Goodness?" Idrial asked

"hell yeah, girl! She's *censored* perfect for that role" Maya added

"um… she's gonna need to get fattened up if you know what I mean" Gaige remarked

"ooh, right" Idrial realized

"whatcha doin?" Aurora asked

"eh, just chatting as usual" Idrial answered

"cool. What's new?" Cinderella asked

"well we also got tickets for Wizard World Comic-Con" Kelly added

"WOOHOOOOO" Supergirl cheered excitedly

"I'm going there to see William Shatner" Kelly gushed

"who?" Alex asked, everyone's jaws dropping in shock

"William Shatner. THE original Captain James Kirk" Kelly exclaimed

"oh…" Alex said in realization

"Plus Matt Smith, the Eleventh Doctor" Supergirl added

"Doctor Who?" Sara asked

"Aah! She said it! She said the title of the show" Supergirl cheered

"all I'm saying is, why can't it be as good as it gets?" Giganta purred

"yeah! There it is, there it is" Supergirl added

"I'm telling you, these terrorists represent a clear and present danger to the United States" Helga barked

"Yeah! She said it!" Supergirl cheered

"the only way for me to solve this crisis is to be Superman IV: the Quest for Peace" Power Girl said

"oh… so THAT's what they call it" Supergirl realized

…

"that was a Family Guy allusion in case you forgot" Lilith remarked

"hello, welcome to Hotel Lez. How can I help you?" Evy said, answering the phone

"yeah! She said it!" Supergirl squealed

…

…

"I feel the need! The need for speed" Megara hollered

"WILLLLLLLMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAA" Giganta bellowed

"I coulda been a contender…" Cass mumbled drunkenly

"rule number three: I don't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty job AND I DON'T LIKE DOING IT" Desiree screamed

"You maniacs, you blew it all up. Damn you. Damn you all to Hell" Shepard said apathetically

"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way" Supergirl said lustily

"I'll get you, my pretty! And your little dog, too" Wanda cackled

"They call me Mister Tibbs" Tiana shouted

"We're gonna need a bigger boat" Alex uttered

"I got no place else to go" Supergirl bawled dramatically

"Number Five alive" Livewire announced

…

…

"D'oh" Kelly grunted

"ay caramba" Livewire ranted

"Missed it by that much" Supergirl said nasally

"Lucy! You've got some 'splainin to do" Diana said in a Cuban accent

"Raymond" Alex bellowed in a deep baritone voice

"I see nothing, I hear nothing, I know nothing" Jean ranted

…

…

"What the hey is going on? There's been nothing but title references to movies, famous movie and TV show quotes and all sorts of shenanigans" Helga grumbled

"that's the whole plot of the show boss. We're SUPPOSED to have shenanigans" Kelly explained

"oh…" Helga said in realization

"hey-hey, it's the Monkees" Anya cheered, entering the hotel

"ok Anya, we get it, can we PLEASE get beyond Thunderdome?" Helga moaned

"hey guys! I got us that new shipment of shampoo" Supergirl cheered

"oh goodie! How much did it cost?" Helga asked

"$50,000 plus taxes and tip plus shipping and handling" Kelly answered

"gee, that's a lotta money for such a big order" Jean commented

"Pfft, you think?" Helga remarked

"so… why the hey do we need all this shampoo?" Lorna asked

"well to be fair, we kinda ran outta shampoo during winter season" Helga explained

"ah…" everyone said, understanding

"and March Madness is officially over" Livewire moaned

"oh good. So I assume this means you'll clean up the large mess you made in the kitchen" Helga assumed

"yup" Livewire said

"oh my, it is absolutely delightful out there" Evadora exclaimed, gazing at the bright sunny day

"mm-hmm, it really is startin to look like spring has sprung" Helga joked

"Hehehe good one, boss" Kelly snickered

"Even I have a sense of humor" Helga said proudly

…

…

"ok I finished up all of my crossword puzzles" Kara said

"that's good. Now you can help me take out the garbage" Alex said, handing Kara a massive trash bag

"alrighty" Supergirl said cheerfully, flying off to the trash bin

"give her a minute…" Livewire said

"ok, done" Supergirl said, coming back in 5 to 12 seconds

"congrats, little sis. That's an all new record" Alex declared

"awesome" Supergirl cheered

"hey guys" Sam said, coming out of the gym

"hey. How was your workout?" Daphne asked

"oh it was radical. I feel so pumped" Sam grunted, Daphne feeling Sam's muscular abs

"ok guys, pizza's here" Morrigan announced, bringing in five hot boxes of Domino's Pizza

"oh boy!" Kara cheered, washing her hands as she and Alex dashed to the kitchen

"…and by our deeds, we honour him. V8" Alex said, finishing the prayer

"V8" everyone repeated as they dug into their meal

…

….

"you know, I do believe I can get used to this" Helga said as she and the others were once more sleeping in Kara's and Alex's bed

"oh good, you decided to NOT wear your glass slippers to bed" Aurora said happily as she felt Cinderella's warm bunny slippers

"can someone please tell Arwen to quit drooling over my new nightgown? It cost me $300 grand plus taxes and tip plus shipping and handling" Renee griped

"I have the feeling I'm going to have to go clothes shopping again in the morning" Helga groaned

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" Kara and Alex snored loudly

"…did anyone hear that?" Kelly finally asked

"mm-hmm" Helga answered

"Hehehehehe" EVA giggled in her sleep, showing a goofy smile

"oh no, she's having that stupid Jungle Book dream again…" Helga groaned

"oh for God's sake EVA quit it" Olga snapped, EVA snoring more normally

"ah…THAT is how you do it" Olga said as she laid back down

"Pfft. Show-off" Helga scoffed

"I heard that" Olga piped up

"here dears, how about a song to lull all you off to dreamland?" Regina cooed

"oh geez, here we go" Livewire moaned

"It's a small world after all…" Regina sang

"oh hell to the no! I'm outta here" Livewire snapped, before gasping as Jigglypuff appeared before her

"uh-oh" Kara and Alex said in unison

"please don't sing, please don't sing, please don't sing, please don't sing…" Helga pleaded

 **Jigglypuff sings**

"MOTHERF…." Helga shouted before passing out, snoring loudly

…

…

"oh my, what a good sleep last night" Helga said, feeling more cheerful and delighted

"that was because that darn marshmallow snuck back into the hotel" Maya huffed, holding an icepack to her head

"what the hey happened to YOU?" Nisha asked

"Apparently after the marshmallow put us all to sleep, she conked me on the head with a pot" Maya answered

"Huh" Helga said nonchalantly, taking a sip of her coffee before seeing Jigglypuff on the table

"Mmm… good thing the table has pillows…" Maya yawned, laying her sleepy head down as Helga slowly closed her eyes

"Mmm… wake me when the puffball's done…" Helga groaned before snoring loudly, Maya falling asleep as well

…

…

"Helga? Helga? Helga, wake up" Kara shouted, Helga waking up from her Jigglypuff-induced nap

"Mmm…what? What time is it?" Helga asked dazedly, still drowsy

"It's five after ten. Breakfast is over" Alex said

"oh. Hey do me a favor, get me an A&W. that usually wakes me up" Helga uttered, Kara and Alex nodding

"Hey good news, I got the puffball" Kelly cheered, a Pokeball in her hand

"Little redhead cutie say WHHHAAAAATTTT?" Livewire asked overdramatically

"wow! Kelly, I didn't know you could catch Pokémon. That's awesome" Tabitha cheered excitedly

…

"oh seriously Kara, you're watching Tales from the Crypt before bed?" Alex asked

"come on sis, he's funny" Kara said

"Kara, he's a creepy corpse puppet and trust me when I say what he does is no laughing matter" Alex insisted

"you mean like that creepy clown in the purple suit?" Kara asked

"yup" Alex answered

…

"RIP Garry Shandling old buddy. I liked you in Over the Hedge" Stella said, laying a bouquet at Garry Shandling's grave

"he died?" Piper gasped in shock

"yup. Cause of death: cocaine overdose" Lowery replied

"just like Phillip Seymour Hoffman…" Helga said mournfully

"hey remember that actress Patty Duke?" Kelly asked

"oh no! her too?" Alex gasped

"yup" Kelly answered

"first Craven, then Lee, then Bowie, now this" Kara said sadly

"I think the Reaper needs to take a holiday" Miranda snarked

"Pfft. That'll be the day" Livewire smirked

"you know they were gonna do a sequel to Labyrinth but now…" Supergirl started

"yeah. I think his best role was Jareth" Kelly said

"I remember his role as Pontius Pilate from Last Temptation of Christ" Black Cat said

"seriously? The Martin Scorsese version of the Bible?" Batgirl gasped

"well…yeah" Black Cat said, defending herself

"ok, no offense" Batgirl said

"you know I've been thinking…" Black Canary said, everyone groaning

"oh no, here we go…." Helga moaned

"what if CBS went off the air?" Black Canary asked

"come again?" Rikke asked

"what if CBS was no longer on the air and replaced by an older channel from the 80s like the Movie Channel" Black Canary continued

"huh. That's a pretty thoughtful question" Helga remarked

"yeah. What if the new Cartoon Network was reverted back to the old version? You know; the Cartoon Theatre, Tom and Jerry, Looney Tunes, all that stuff" Supergirl said

"you know what? I can possibly see that happening" Helga admitted

"yeah, but… think of how weird it would be if CBS no longer existed. There'd be no more Everybody Loves Raymond, no more I Love Lucy, no more Hogan's Heroes, no more football or basketball…" Livewire added

"well the future can be a very terrifying thought" Helga said

"but it can also be fun" Supergirl chimed in

…

"uh guys? Is it odd that Channel 4 is no longer available on both cable and regular TV?" Kelly asked the next morning

"oh…my…God, Supergirl was RIGHT" Helga gasped

"it…it came true. My vision came true" Kara gasped in disbelief

"well, what now?" Helga asked worriedly

"hey look! The old Disney Channel is back" Livewire announced

"ooh! The old Cartoon Network is back too" Nyssa chimed in

"so… this is what happens now, huh?" Helga asked

"yup" Kelly sighed, everyone sitting down in the lounge chair

…

"ok, who wants to watch G4TV?" Helga finally asked

"count me in" Neyla said, getting some drinks and junk food


	14. RIP CBS

**Hotel Lez**

 **Chapter 14**

 **Giganta: Hotel Lez has been filmed in front of a live studio audience. RIP CBS. You had a great run. If you didn't make a show out of Zoo, then you'd still be around. Just a thought**

"it's so weird…CBS has been around for years and years and now…it's all gone" Kelly said

"yeah. What'll happen to me and Alex?" Kara asked worriedly

"nothing, honey, you and your sister will be fine, I promise you" Helga assured, giving Kara a comforting hug

"hey guys look! Mr. Stoker purchased all the old CBS shows" Livewire announced

"you're kidding" Helga gasped

"he got all the hot CBS show babes" Livewire added

"I'm a little worried to ask, but what about Zoo?" Kelly asked

"eh, don't worry about it. He sold it off to G4TV" Livewire answered

"seriously? Our author sells a show out to revive an old TV station?" Helga asked

"yup. He can own ANYTHING" Livewire exclaimed

"hello dears" Regina said warmly

"oh hi Regina" Kelly said cheerfully, giving Regina a hug and kiss

"wow, look how sunny it is" Crysta said cheerfully

"um, excuse me?" asked a red-haired young woman with a British accent

"oh hello. How may I assist you?" Helga asked

"what is the year?" the woman asked

"2016" Dinah answered

"2016?" the woman gasped in shock

"wait a tic… aren't you that girl from Liberty's Kids?" Stella asked

"why yes, yes I am! Sarah Phillips, at your service" Sarah said, doing a curtsy

"Welcome to the regal Hotel Lez. I'm Helga, the manager and owner of this very hotel" Helga said warmly

"this isn't Boston?" Sarah asked

"no, sweetie, this is Los Angeles" Zatanna said

"oh…" Sarah said, bursting into tears

"aw…" everyone awed sadly, Huntress comforting Sarah

"Shhhh… it's ok…shhh…it's ok" Huntress cooed, drying Sarah's eyes

"thank you Ms. Helena" Sarah sniffled, feeling more hopeful  
"good girl" Huntress said, kissing her forehead

…

"mmm… such comfy pillows…so soft…" Sarah moaned as Huntress tucked her in

"ok sweetheart, lemme know if you need anything, alright?" Huntress asked, as Sarah snored softly

"ok, g'night sweetie" Huntress crooned, kissing Sarah's cheek as she walked out of the room

"so has our new resident been accommodated to our house?" Helga asked

"yeah. She just fell asleep, so she's gonna be napping for a while" Huntress replied

"aw… she's a little darling, she is" Neyla purrs

"I'll go check on her and see if she's ok" Daphne said, tiptoeing into Sarah's room

"aww…" Daphne awed as Sarah sucked her thumb as she slept softly

"such an angel…" Daphne cooed, rubbing Sarah's back as she slept

…

"well there she is. Good morning sleepyhead" Helga said cheerfully as Sarah woke up

"good morning. I had a good snooze" Sarah said, sitting down to breakfast

"hey guys" Stella said

"hey honey. Where've you been?" Helga asked, giving Stella a hug

"I was in Tahiti with the girls. By the way, I have some bad news" Stella answered

"oh…" everyone awed sadly

"remember the grandma from Everybody Loves Raymond?" Stella asked

"oh no… you don't mean…" Kara said, starting to cry

"yup. She's reunited with Frank up in TV heaven" Stella said sadly

"shhh… it's ok buttercup, it's ok…" Alex cooed softly, hugging a sobbing Kara close

"so Everybody Loves Raymond truly is no more" Kelly said forlornly

"no more I Love Lucy, no more Channel 4 News, no more Entertainment Tonight…" Nyssa listed

"well, we all knew it was coming ladies. It's time for a new generation" Helga said

"yeah. But…" Kara said, sniffling as Helga hugged her close

"as long as you keep the memories in here, they'll never truly fade away" Helga said kindly, pointing at Kara's heart

"thanks Ms. Helga" Kara said happily, showing her bright innocent childlike smile

"you're welcome sweetheart" Helga said, hugging Kara close and kissing her forehead

…

"… I mean, it IS great that G4 TV is back in all its glory and that all the other channels are back to their nostalgic ways, but… the world feels kinda empty with CBS gone" Alex said, her and the others in the TV room, Kara sleeping in Alex's arms

"yeah, it's the beginning of a new world" Livewire said, taking a drink of her Red Bull

"…so what will become of us, big sis?" Kara asked worriedly, Alex smiling softly and ruffling her baby sister's hair

"we're still here buttercup. We'll be here forever" Alex said assuringly, kissing Kara on the cheek

"Promise?" Kara asked

"I promise" Alex said, smiling brightly as she gently rocked Kara back and forth in her arms

…

"I wanna thank you guys for doing this for me" Kara said happily as she and the girls visited the now abandoned set of Everybody Loves Raymond

"hey, we all take care of each other. And so, Helga and I thought we'd give you a sense of closure" Alex said calmly as they entered the house

"it's… it's so deserted. The kitchen, the bedroom… it's like a forgotten relic…" Kelly said, touching the black chair Frank once occupied.

"it's the beginning of a new era. One era ends, a new one starts. It's how life works. As a wise man once said, a king's time rises and falls like the sun" Helga said as she and the others stood over Marie's gravestone. Holding back her tears, Kara gently laid a bouquet of roses plus the pin by the gravestone

"by our deeds, we honour thee. We hath witnessed you and we salute thee as you ride eternal in the highways of Valhalla. In His name we say: V8" Kara said

"V8" everyone echoed, kneeling before the tomb as they each made the War Boy salute

"Goodbye Marie. I'll never forget you. I promise" Kara said, before walking off, holding Alex's hand

…

"I never thought I'd say this, but… this was the most serious chapter ever. And honestly, it felt good. It felt good to let us develop and… try to show our emotions, our feelings. It shows everyone that… we truly are human" Kara said, as everyone was once again snuggled in Kara's bed


	15. The Mummy Parody! Part 1

**Hotel Lez**

 **Chapter 15: The Mummy Parody Part 1**

 **Helga: we're baaaaccck!**

 **Stella: Gosh it's been a long time since our last chapter hasn't it Kara?**

 **Supergirl: What? Oh, yes, it has. I… I feel a bit nervous about this parody**

 **Helga: Now, now Kara, we'll make sure this is K-rated. Alright, everyone on the set? And… ACTION!**

 **INT: THEBES, SOMETHING SOMETHING BC. OVERLOOKING LARGE EGYPTIAN PALACE. WE ZOOM IN ON KATANA ON A CHARIOT**

 **Aela: Thebes, City of the Living. Crown Jewel of Pharaoh Katana the 1** **st** **. Home of Mirage, Pharaoh's High Priest. Keeper of the Dead**

 **Stella: (yawns) can we speed it up a little please? Half the cast is asleep from this narration**

 **(Helga, Alex, Neyla, Kara and the others are snoring in the background)**

 **Aela: ok fine!**

Katana bursts the doors open as Mirage's mooks back away. Katana asks them an angered question in Egyptian dialect as she stomps over to where….

 **Helga: CUT!**

 ***groans of annoyance***

 **Helga: who'd we cast as Anck-su-Namun?**

 **Shego: sorry boss lady, the real one's off in Cancun with her harem**

 **Helga: again? That's the third time this week! Grrr… this is starting to be a habit or something**

 **Katana: A-Hem! I'm WAAAAIIITTTTIIINNGG**

 **Helga: Ok, I got it! Tzipporah, you're… um, you're Anck-Su-Namun**

 **Tzipporah: oh goodie. I appear for only one scene, then I stab myself, then get supposedly brought back to life, then I rust into a corpse, then I get reincarnated, I betray my lover and fall into a pit of angry scarabs**

 **Kara: ….you just described your entire role**

 **Tzipporah: ok I'll do it. I want $50 after this**

 **Helga: Done. Now get to your position! Ok folks, let's roll it!**

 **EDI: Hotel Lez Presents the Mummy, Take 2**

 **Helga: and ACTION!**

Katana sees Tzipporah leaning over a bust of an Egyptian cat, trying her utmost best to stay in character whilst hoping Katana doesn't notice the Twizzler stickers on her arm. Katana asks Tzipporah a question in her gibberish, she just glares at her. Suddenly like a Batman movie or something, Mirage pops out of nowhere, grabs Katana's sword and runs her through

"I think… I'm gonna be sick" Carmelita groaned, getting a bucket

After the carnage, loud collective angry shouts were heard which meant the now sliced diced and eviscerated Pharaoh's bodyguards were on their way to find the bastard responsible

 **Tzipporah: Run, Mirage! Go save yourself from my useless role!**

 **Mirage: (replies in very over the top Egyptian gibberish) as her Mooks drag her away just in time as the Mahjongg gasp at seeing Katana's remains before seeing Tzipporah**

Tzipporah uttered something body something temple of doom, then squealed like Justin Bieber as she "died"

 **Helga: to resurrect Tzipporah, Mirage and her Priests broke into her crypt and stole her body. They raced deep into the desert, taking Tzipporah's corpse to Hamunaptra, City of the Dead, burial site for the daughters of pharaohs and resting place for the loot of Egypt**

 **Livewire: BOOOOOMMMM! Shakalaka!**

 **Helga: for her love, Mirage DARED the Goddesses' anger by going further into the temple taking the Diary of the Dead from it's hormonal resting place. Tzipporah's soul had been sent into the Underworld, her vital private parts removed and placed in five sacred chastity jars**

 **Priests: *chant the opening chorus to Hooked on a Feeling as the water blubbers and forms a phantom***

 **Voices: I cant stop this feeling, deep inside of me, girl you must realize, what you do to me**

 **Helga: Tzipporah's soul had come back from the underworld**

 **Mirage: IIIIIIIIIIII'M HOOKED ON A-**

 **Mahjongg: D-d-don't shoot! YOU'RE-YOU'RE BUSTED**

 **Helga: but the Mahjongg followed Mirage and stopped her before the ritual could be completed**

 **Water Ghost: *irritating Nazgul scream, then plunges back into water***

 **Mirage: GGGGRRRRAAAAAYYYYGGGGHHH**

 **Kara; Gee, this is looking good so far**

 **Evy: I quite agree. This is more funnier than the original series**

 **Helga: Mirage and her Priests were condemned to be Mummified alive. As for Mirage, she was forced to endure the Horn-Day, the worst of all ancient sex curses, one so horrible and arousing, it has never before been bestowed**

 **Mirage: OOOOOHHHHHHH GGGGGOOOODDDDDDDD**

 **The Anubis Gals wrap Mirage in toilet paper then lay her in a lousy coffin, then dump a large amount of bugs**

 **Helga: she was to be sealed inside her sarcophagus, the undead for all time. For should she arise she would be a walking disease, a plague upon mankind, an unholy flesh eater**

 **Kara: with the strength of ages…**

 **Alex: Power over the sands**

 **Neyla: and the glory of Invincibility!**

 **The MUMMY**

 ***RRRRRRRROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR***

"Ok! We've got the opening done! Take ten people!" Helga ordered as everyone applauded

 **Casting**

 **Helga- Helga O'Connell**

 **Neyla- Neyla Carnahan**

 **Sarah Phillips- Sarah Carnahan**

 **Debra Barone- Debi**

 **Wonder Woman- Diana Bay**

 **Sandy Cheeks- Sanderson**

 **Princess Morbucks- Morbs**

 **Dani Fenton- Danielles**

 **Maleficent- Egyptologist**

 **Queen of Hearts- Cora Haverlock**

 **Tzipporah- Anck Su Namun**

 **Mirage- The Mummy**

 **Aunt May Parker- Curator**


	16. Announcement

**Hotel Lez will return Friday July 14 on FanFic TV**


	17. Teaser

**The sun'll come out tomorrow**  
 **  
**

 **Tomorrow, tomorrow**

 ****

 **I love you tomorrow**

 ****

 **Tomorrow, tomorrow**

 ****

 **HOTEL LEZ**

 **SEASON 2**

 ****

 **RETURNS TOMORROW at Noon**

 ****

 **You're only a day away...**


	18. Welcome to Port Charles Part 1

**IM BAAAAAAACCCCKKKKK! Kept ya waiting didnt I? Well here it is! Also this a crossover between the present time in Hotel Lez and the past meaningGeneral Hospital during 1983. I dont own GH though I really wish I did. Anyway all rights go to ABC, Disney, yadda yadda yadda**

**Port Charles, New York**

 **Some minutes ago...**

Jackie Templeton, esteemed reporter of the Port Charles Time was lounging lazily on the sofa, eagerly waiting for Susan Moore to come and tell her about a rather **delicious** scoopof gossip involving the Quartermaines and Susan.  
Anyway, Jackiebasically hummed a tuneless little ditty to herself before seeing a drop of water hit the table. Suddenly she bolted straight up. Something wasnt right. Water doesnt simply fall unless... Realizing that the bathtub was dangerously  
close to overflowing,Jackie dashed up the steps to the main room. "Susan?" Jackie called, her voice a broad husky type

Calling Susan's name the third time, Jackie's eyes wandered to a body on the floor. A body that had a familiar type of hair. No... it couldnt...

Susan Moore... is **DEAD!**

The loud bloodcurdling scream she made would make even horror queens Jamie Lee Curtis and the late great Fay Wray jealous. Just as Jackie made a beeline for the telephone, a loud series of voices made themselves apparent

"What the frack? This aint Calitoonia!"

" _ **Where**_ in the bloody hell _**are**_ we?!"

"Hey! Hey you! Yeah, you in the coat! Where do u think **you're** going? Wait a minute... Gimme that gun before you shoot someone... you **DID** shoot someone did ya? Huh? Huh? Huh?"

"Oh will you bitches just butt out! ...What the hell **ARE** youpeople?!"

"Who is being so loud?!" Jackie squawked, still stunned by the dead body, but now a bit peeved from the clamoring that was going on in the living room. What she saw was the strangest and most bizarrest sight ever seen: a large gaggle of real skinned and  
animated women. The one in the middle was none other than Heather Webber, the psychotic yandere girlfriend to Susan's devious moneygrubbing husband Scotty Baldwin. Jackie also couldnt help but notice the pistol that had a drip of blood on it. Theexact  
same blood that was from the recently deceased Susan Moore. Putting two and two together, she came to a monumental conclusion:

 **Heather Webber shot and killed Susan Moore!**

 **"** Ohhh... wha... what happened? Oh god damn it i got blood on my nightie! Dang it! I'mma go clean it... again! Oy..." Susan murmured, doing a jumping jack, causing something to fall with a little plink. A bullet. A .38 bullet that came  
/from thegun Heather shot... and **Susan was able to catch it!**

 **Susan Moore's ALIVE!**

"Hello? Woman? Earth to Templeton? Danger Will Robinson! Danger! Anyone home in there?" Kara hollered, snapping Jackie out of her daze. Did... did Susan Moore just talk? So... she stopped her own murder! And these women who managed to appear outof  
the blue and out of nowhere came and quickly apprehended the suspect!

"Oh. Sorry ladies. I'm... I'm still bedazzled by all this. I'm Jackie Templeton, Port Charles Times. What are your names?" Jackie asked, eager to get the identities of Mrs. Baldwin's unexpected rescuers

"I am Helga Katrina Sinclair, heiress, multi national mogul, entrepeneur and owner of the fabulous Hotel Lez. These women you see before you are my guests and employees. So... where are we and what's goin on?" Helga asked

"Well first, this is Port Charles, New York. Secondly, andmost important of all, you girls just saved someone's life!" Jackie exclaimed, Heather seething madly, furious beyond belief of her scheme foiled by some meddlesome strangers who had no businesshere  
in Port Charles. But, the deed is done. Susan is alive and a kicking, Jackie has the chance to make the story of a lifetime and theres a new set of faces in town!

Yup, they're a long way from home...

 **HOTEL LEZ**

 **Adventures in Port Charles**


	19. Cast

**Helga Sinclair:** the no nonsense but often kindhearted manager and owner of the titular hotel and the official ringleader of her many guests and staff. While often trying to keep her business running smooth, she is often dragged kickingand  
screaming into her cohorts' wild and outrageously unbelievable misadventures


	20. Room List

**Ground Floor**  
 **  
**

 **Alexis Westmoreland and Beverly Campbell:** Former security guards of the Normandy starship. Both are extremely friendly, often chat a lot and are always together

 **Helga and Rikke Sinclair:** The head manager, owner and founder of the hotel. Her wife Rikke is the head chef and hostess for special events.


	21. Are You Being Served Part 1

**Author's Note; This chapter is a crossover with the acclaimed BBC sitcom of the same name**  
 **  
**

"What in... where are we **now**?" Huntress asked in bewilderment, awakening to find herself and the others on an elevator lift

"It seems like... some sort of 70s comedy show" Helga commented as cash registers began making random noises and a British female voice began speaking

 **Ground floor**

 **Perfumeries and leather goods**

 **Wigs, habadasheries, kitchenware and food**

 **Going up...**

 ****

At the second floor of Grace Bros, Captain Stephen Peacock, no-nonsense, exasperated and overworked floor walker made his daily pacing across the floors whilst the rest of staff went along with their work in silence as if waiting to say their lines


	22. Eternia Schmernia

_Just another Saturday morning_ Teela thought to herself, watching a Little League championship on the TV whilst her dad Man at Arms, fiance Adam/He-Man and the Masters were off on some very urgent... er, manly duties.

You see, Teela's actually **gay**. Yes, you heard me. Shes a lesbian. Problem is, she cant figure out how to tell her dear papa. So far the only people who know are Adam and her loving mom The Sorceress


	23. Part 23

"Morning!" Helga yawned, entering the lounge where Kelly, Nyssa and the others were seated.

"Hey there!" Kara waved, happy to see her. Alex and her fiance Maggie were still in bed.

"So did anyone see the WVGB tournament?" Maya asked, everyone looking at her in confusion

"World Video Game Boxing." Neyla translated


End file.
